||Chapter 12 - 16
The Billboard crew start to plan.
Back at the Bong site the billboard crew are sitting around and working out
the size and amount of timber they will need. Glitter walks over to see what
they had in mind, he had already done the costing and knew the optimum
scale. He sits down to join them and takes a joint out of his boot, lights
up and hands it around.
Freeball the clown speaks up, "I think I've come up with a way to kill two
birds with one stone."
Nice pun Glitter thinks to himself and totally in context too, this kid has
got a future. "Let's hear it Freeball."
"You were going to use four by fours for the uprights, right?"
"Or six by sixes, it always depended on the budget, when I nutted this idea
out it was just a book, I never knew if I was going to succeed or not."
"Well sooner or later we are going to need electricity, how about I talk to
one of my mates who works for the electric company and see if he can lend us
some telegraph poles. They will be stronger than anything we can buy. I'm
also prepared to bet that they'll dig the holes and tap into the wires for
us if we get them stoned and laid!"
"Brilliant, who said you were a clown? You can be in charge of this
operation. Actually there may be a whole subplot for the movie in this
escapade. Make sure that you tell them that to give you extra leverage, not
that you'll need any extra leverage when you are talking sex and drugs. A
word of caution, favors from friends can take for ever and these bill boards
are the highest priority. These are the method that will attract the
customers we need to continue. The money from the sale of the merchandise is
what carries us through the interim until we can prove that we have the Hall
of Fame for exhibiting peoples Bongs and stuff."
"How long have we got?"
"Order all the wood for the signs and we can assemble the signs except for
the uprights, that way if we don't get the telegraph poles on time, then
we'll simply go back to plan A."
"How long until the Tee shirts get here?"
"Star buck has the designs and the money for the initial order of 1000. They
should be ready by tomorrow afternoon. Any body know anyone coming up from
Sydney in a truck?"
"Yeah," says Bruce the Postie, "My brother in-law Fordy owns Long Hair
Removals, he's not real smart but he can lift heavy things. His company has
trucks coming past here all the time and since all of his drivers are
smokers, they'll all stop here."
"How can I get hold of Fordy so I can give him the transportation
"Call him on his mobile!"
"Tell you what, take my mobile, call Fordy and then let Freeball call the
lumber yard" turning his attention back to the clown, he says, "Now I have
to know, why are you called Freeball?"
"Every Christmas since I can remember, my mum has been buying me underpants,
I guess I never acquired the skill for my self. My life style is pretty hard
on the old undies, with all the surfing, unicycleing and juggling that I do
I'm lucky to have a single pair left by October. Since I'd rather spend my
limited income on the important things in life, like the three P's, Pot,
Piss and Pussy. I just Free Ball the last two months to Christmas!"
Every one cracks up. Glitter then asks, "Any of you guys know anyone with an
old caravan? We need to create the Mull Machine. We need a place to store
the Mull and money and also to act as Hemp-quarters!"
"My dad has an old bus he might give us, it's already been converted into a
camper." says Kelly who has wandered over to give Glitter a message that his
attention is required elsewhere.
"Thanks Kelly, use my mobile after Bruce and Freeball."
"What's your phone number Glitter? asks Bruce.
"1 900 Big Bong of course! Also, Bruce when you go to work on Monday can you
open me a post box, the address has to be Big Bong Australia, you could also
call the GPO and inform them."
"No problem, do you think you'll be getting much mail?
"Buddy, I expect a fucking avalanche. That's how people order their Big Bong
Packs. Can you imagine the look on some kids mothers' face when he receives
a package marked WARNING this parcel contains drug paraphernalia all the way
with love from Australia?"
Kelly is laughing as hard as the rest of them but she reminds him that there
are some "straights" waiting for him over by the gum tree. Glitter walks off
to meet his visitors and the rest start to either make their phone calls or
plan the nights party.
Where the three wise men re-acquaint themselves
with a long lost
friend and some early stuff about Glitter.
Sitting beneath the Gum tree are three normal people, in fact Glitter had
gone to school with these three guys. When they had all moved down from the
bush they had kept in contact although their lives had taken extremely
divergent paths. The first Barry Lazel had gone on to become a lawyer of
some renown, the second, Adrian Blond, had spent the intervening years
working as a metallurgist in the steel town of Newcastle and the last had
spent his life as a Nuclear Physicist, his name was Blake Markford. All
three were married to their first real girlfriends and had two kids apiece,
they were as stated, refreshingly normal. The major similarity between them
was the race they were involved in to see who would go bald first.
So as you'd expect their conversation was initially about hair.
"Guys it's good to see what's left of you!" says Glitter with a smile,
tactfully avoiding any reference to their well fed bodies, "It seems like
married life agrees with y'all."
"Glitter when are you getting a hair cut?"
"Bazz, this is my future toupee you're looking at, I figure that when I
eventually get this cut, I'll have it made into a wig!"
"You got plenty of hair left you lucky bastard." Bemoans Blake.
The conversation remains on this topic for a while then Barry speaks. "So it
looks like you've pulled it off!"
"Not quite, I still need you guys to help me." replies Glitter.
Authors Note; In the early eighties when Glitter was a fledgling
car racer these four would all pile into his LJ Torana sports sedan and
share the cost of the gasoline as they went ballistic up the twisty and
dangerous Pacific Highway. Glitter always drove and the guys were there for
ballast, he would position them according to their weight! From all accounts
it was a harrowing experience, Glitter loved to drive, from an early age his
mechanic father (an ex racer himself) had filled his head with stories of
cars and drivers. Glitter was a professional driver for most of his life, he
simply had an affinity with machinery, he used to tell us when we were kids
the true secret of driving a car was to imagine that the front wheels were
your feet and the back wheels were your shoulders. My dad was pretty good
behind the wheel himself, I remember when I was learning to drive and uncle
Glitter was giving me lessons, I remarked to him that he didn't seem all
that much better than Dad, his reply, I hope you never get to see how good I
am because that means we are in a life threatening situation. Later on we
went out to a race track for some advanced lessons in car control and I
finally got to see him really drive. He was all and more than he ever said
"Ok guys, I need to ask you formally, now I know we made a pact years ago,
but it's for real now."
Barry is the first to speak. "I remember how many times you were there for
me in the past, of course I'll do your legal work. In fact I've already
incorporated a company with you and your mother as owners, I chose her to be
your silent partner, with all her links to the community and the good work
she does with the church she is beyond reproach."
"Thanx man, how much do I owe you?"
"Just the opportunity to continue to manage your legal affairs, I can see
plenty of kudos in being the legal mind behind world peace. Plus I can't
wait to take on the big boys who work for these major corporations should
they try to fuck with you."
"Adrian, do you want in?"
"Yes I do, I have many contacts within the steel industry and can help you
enormously. I see that you have some preliminary designs for this structure
you want to build, do you have an architect in mind? I'll need some hard
plans drawn up, also who is to supervise the actual construction?
"There are already proper plans drawn up for this by a well respected
Sydney architect, Ultra Cool Jones and as far as the construction I'm
waiting to hear from Kim Jersey, my old boss, this would be a piece of piss
for him. It's only a tin can after all."
"Suits me, what about Blake? What the hell do you need a Nuclear physicist
"Blake and I are going to break the speed of light together one day! And
what's more important I've worked out a way to fund our research, Blake and
I are going into the Space ship business!"
Blake just grins because he and Glitter had been talking about this for
years. He had been doing the math and it was theoretically possible. Glitter
quickly out lines the plan for the other two.
"The basic idea is this,
with the profit made from the Big Bong we'll buy up all the nuclear missiles
in the world or preferably get the disposal contract for them. Fill them
with toxic waste and a couple of paying passengers and then let them fly.
We'll aim them at the sun, we can't miss because it is the source of all
gravity in our solar system. The sun is basically a nuclear furnace and so
is the only true safe place to get rid of these weapons of mass destruction.
It can't be too hard to weld a window into one of those babies and since
it's a one way trip we don't have to get too carried away with life support
systems, a set of skin-diving air tanks will suffice! I intend to use
terminally ill patients as the passengers and worn out astronauts as pilots,
there are people who would pay heavily for the chance to see the Earth from
outer space. It would be a race to see what killed them first, the radiation
from all the toxic waste, lack of air, their disease or sunburn, I bet it
won't be boredom. The name for this enterprise is Sundivers, a true Eco
Funeral company and the ultimate Viking burial."
Blake continues, "Yes and we will monitor such things as acceleration down
the gravity well and how close our rockets get before they melt, we'll take
all that data and then build a ship that is capable of hitting the speed of
light. After all, me and Glitter aren't going until it's safe! There is a
black hole in the centre of our Sun, I figure if we can hit it's event
horizon just as our mass
becomes infinite, the gravitational forces will accelerate us past the speed
of light and into the next dimension. It's all a matter of speed and scale,
just as there are scales smaller than ours, so too must there be larger
scales, the only way to escape this dimension is out through the star
"Uh, I hate to piss on your parade," says Adrian, "but have you pair thought
what would happen to the sun when an infinitely large object hits it
travelling at the speed of light?"
"Well at least we will answer the old paradox of irresistible force meeting
an immovable object, besides if the sun goes nova, no one will ever know!"
says Glitter Zenfully.
Just then the Sarge comes bouncing down the track in an old Greyhound bus,
the bus is decorated like a psychedelic nightmare.
"Here's you new Hemp quarters Glitter, at least my daughter will be able to
sleep comfortably now." Yells the Sarge!
"Cool set of wheels Sarge, how long you had these?"
"Since about 1980, I bought it off a hippie mate of mine who wanted to go
straight, as a matter of fact, Kelly was conceived in this bus back in my
Vietnam War protest days."
"Daddy you promised you'd stop telling that story."
Introductions are made all round, Barry offers to drive the Sarge back to
town and they start to discuss all the various legal details that have to be
worked out. As they disappear in the direction of the town Barry is assuring
the Sarge that for all intents and purposes Glitter has got a definite film
unit functioning and that the entire venture is legal based upon the fact
that many movies are made nowadays strictly as financial vehicles rather
than entertainment, Glitters' movie only differs from the norm in the way it
is using merchandising to fund the enormous cost of modern movie making up
The Big Bong Theory States;
If there is no after life, then how will you know if you've ever lived?
This is only an observation. But if there is a life after death, then who
would want to remember their previous life in a realm of infinite
possibilities and duration? This too is an observation. It is usually about
this time that I realize that it makes far more sense to thoroughly enjoy
the existence that
I'm relatively sure sure I'm living now, also an observation. It concludes,
If your life flashes past your eyes in the instant of death, then logically
the last thing that flashes before your eyes in the instant of your death is
your life flashing before your eyes. Does this continue ad infinitum?
As the sun is setting all present gather around the Mull Machine.
After dinner as the Bongs and joints are passed around all is peaceful. The
discussion is based upon the next steps to be taken. Freeball has some good
news about the uprights.
Several steaks are sizzling over the camp fire.
"Glitter the electricity boys will be here in the morning, I've ordered the
timber, it should get here around noon. Big Al has got all the tools we'll
need. They should be erected by tomorrow evening at the latest who have you
got in mind for the sign writing? Big Al is a bit of an artist in his spare
time, how about him?"
"Suits me as long as he copies the cover of the novel, any problems with
that style of writing Al?"
"No." replies Al.
"Bruce, how did you go with Fordy?"
"He'll pick up the tee shirts from the factory as soon as they are ready, I
gave him Starbucks number and told him to talk direct."
"Well done, all in all a very productive day, if I may say so."
They all sit back, each lost in their own worlds, Kelly breaks the silence,
"Glitter tells us some more about what's next, when do we start to cast for
"I have always planned to star the people who actually do the work, kind of
use a documentary style, I have no knowledge of film making, basically I am
waiting for the experts to find me. Once the signs are up the media
attention will be terrific, although I wish I could see the faces on the
general population of Dallas about now. My add should be in todays
Glitter then goes into the mull machine and returns with a
copy, he hands it around.
Authors note; Here is a copy of the Add that Glitter had Laura
Leigh take out in the Dallas morning News. This was a full page add and was
paid for by money raised by her and "Skid Mark" Knickerbocker from copies of
Glitters book that they had distributed. It had a blown up copy of the cover
of the novel and under that was the following prose;
The Big Bong theory, the most controversial movie of all time, has
finally found a location to begin filming. The movie requires the actual
construction of a working twenty story Marijuana Smoking Device, one you
will able to walk inside, your every breath a Bong Hit. The lighting
ceremony could well become the biggest party the world has ever seen, it has
a strong world peace theme and is based upon the novel of the same name.
Copies of this novel are available by sending $12(US), address your envelope
to The Big Bong Theory, Australia. If you wish to send photos of your Bong
for inclusion in the Marijuana Hall of Fame send a total of $125. The first
2,500 receive a free "I believe in the Big Bong theory" Exhibitors edition
Tee shirt and bumper sticker. (please allow 6 to 8 weeks for
Bruce says, "I can see why you are expecting an avalanche of mail and media
attention, that will set the tongues wagging."
"Yeah, I chose Dallas for several reasons, besides the fact it is one of the
most happening cities in the world, there is a place there called Las
Colinas where the head offices of all the top companies are located. It is
considered the hub of American commerce, it's also quite conservative, so
there will be a nice balance of admiration and outrage. Texas is the most
powerful of all the American states and as much as the rest of the country
hates to admit it, they all follow their lead. You know when I first started
this whole project off not many people here in Australia gathered the full
significance of the Texas connection. In America almost 50% of the
population either have or still smoke Pot, that gives me a potential
customer base of over 100
million, the numbers are much the same for all the first world countries.
There is going to be a huge response."
All around the camp-fire are silent as they ponder the full import and size
of the potential.
Freeball says, "How are we ever going to fill all those orders?"
"Freeball, that has always been one of my biggest concerns, but I also
realize that eventually I will have to sub contract some of the facets of
this operation. That is why I have proceeded the way I have. I have been
nurturing my progression, advancing to the next level only when I was sure
that I could fulfill the promises I was making. Remember 6 to 8 weeks is a
long time, it takes the mail 5 days each way in these modern times, Tee
shirts can be mass produced within that time frame, as can the bumper
stickers. Remember no other country in the world has the abundance of wool
and natural resources that we do."
"How did you get so smart?" asks Kelly.
"I got most of the basics from a book called the Art of War by Sun Tzu,
also I have been a voracious reader for much of my life. I have an
understanding of human nature from years of selling cars, when someone comes
to buy a car they are conditioned to hate and distrust the salesman, in
order to overcome this huge disadvantage, you quickly develop communication
skills. But mostly I have been living, breathing and planning this operation
since I was a 15 year old selling Gasoline on the side of the road. I always
wanted to find a way to sell everybody in the world something, be it
product, knowledge or simply an alternative way of thinking. You have no
idea how hard it has been to get to this stage, I have had obstacle after
obstacle thrust in my way. Success is 33% inspiration, 33% dedication, 33%
1% luck. With in a week things will really start to spiral out of control,
you guys are the nucleus around which I intend to assemble one of the
largest corporations ever. Remember we have seceded from the world, we will
have our own currency soon, I wonder how long it will take before the
international money market realizes that there is a new kid in town? The
is an attempt to divert some of the Seven Trillion dollars that goes
sloshing around the world every day. The global casino is counter productive
to world peace because of the un-stabilising influence that it can have on
governments trying to set their interest rates and currency values. When the
Big Bong Income-glomer-rationalization is listed on Wall Street I will issue
Junkie bonds, instead of share certificates, Junkie bonds will be syringes
full of pure Heroin! That way if the stock ever becomes worthless, you don't
have to make a mess when you suicide, just find the nearest dumpster and
shoot your self to corporate heaven.
"I thought you weren't into hard drugs." says Big Al.
"I'm not, well not yet any way, but I can only speak for my self, I believe
that everyone dies a Junkie now a days, addicted to pills or thrills, if you
want to ruin your life who am I to stop you?"
"That's a cop out answer." says Free ball.
"Listen Man, every person on this planet has to make their own informed
decision on how they live and end their life. I can see no difference
between a cancer patient ending their days in a drug haze and some dude
O.D.ing in a bathroom, he should be allowed to cash out early. I can think
of messier ways to commit suicide than an overdose of heroin,"
"Can we change the subject away from death please?" asks Kelly.
"All I'll say is that the junkie bond is a pun and although the subject has
negatives connected with it, I thought it would get a laugh." says Glitter.
At that moment the mobile phone rings, Kelly breathes a sigh of relief.
The Big Bong Theory States;
The fact that A.I.D.S. has now become the major cause of death for those
under thirty, taking over from Traffic Accidents and Suicide, is probably
due to the advances in Psychiatry and Psycho Therapy. Particularly if you
add in the improvements in Automotive design and the Air bag.
It goes on
to state that A.I.D.S. or Cancer, you get skinny and die.
The Radio interview that the helps spread the Big Bong theory through
out America and ultimately, the World.
Authors Note; From here on out the Narrative really starts to jump
around. There are many reasons for this and I will go into depth to explain
them to you, mostly out of professional pride. Firstly, besides all the
different hand written journals and the piles of photocopied A-4 sheets that
formed the first draft, he left a Silicon trail of computer discs that would
have stood Jack Kerouac proud. He always had a copy or two stored on disc
with him at all times, he would drop in and visit with his friends and then
if their system was compatible, he would stay well past his welcome. He
would make a point of leaving an update for who ever he had purloined the
P.C. from, saying one day this book will be available to every computer on
this planet. The end result of this is that while he was still writing the
Novel parts of it got so often edited that it is impossible to pick one disc
and say here it all is, start to finish. He just took the best copy of the
words that he could assemble and turned them into a 100 page booklet that he
had Boutique Published. The Novel finally looked like a proper book, one
that you could get in a library. Yet, the first 500 copies were all that he
needed to start the ball rolling, they enabled his readership to finally
find a way to directly contribute to this scheme. Not only was this
remarkable book collectable, it was in every sense a giant commercial for it
self. He would sit at a computer and the words would pour forth, friends
would marvel at his ability to construct pages of writing from thin air.
Unbeknowenced to them he had probably drafted out each piece in long hand
several times before the opportunity to down-load presented itself. He also
suffered from insomnia, existing on less than four hours sleep for much of
his life. He had the uncanny ability to appear to sleep through any amount
of noise yet he was often wide awake. When he would sleep at our house we
would tip toe to the toilet, trying not wake him, yet every time we came
near him he'd say which one are you? I should mention that "I'm" a pair of
identical twins, and we both worked
on this project. At the end of the day, perhaps that's the main reason for
the spasmodic integration of most of this material. Here is a transcript of
the radio interview that was broadcast right across America, fortunately for
Glitter the announcement of the Big Bong coincided with a slow news
"Big Bong Theory Hemp Quarters, can I help you? inquires Kelly, settling
into her new role as secretary smoothly. She and Glitter had rehearsed these
lines earlier in the day.
"Hi it's Mark Knickerbocker here from Radio station Kay Oh Cee Kay in Dallas
Texas and you are live to air, can I speak to Glitter please?"
"He's in the middle of a smoking session right now, let me see if he's
straight enough to talk to you."
She covers the mouth piece and says to
Glitter, It's a Mark Knickerbocker from a Dallas radio station. As she is
handing the phone to Glitter, Skid Mark is saying, "Our guest today is the
Poet Glitter, he is about to start construction of a Giant Marijuana Peace
Pipe in Australia,"
Glitter lights a joint as he waits for Skid to finish.
"The city of Dallas awoke this morning to read a full page advertisement
from this mad poet in our largest newspaper. In the Add he asks us to send
money to him to fund the construction of the Big Bong that features the
Marijuana hall of Fame. This man is a self confessed Anarchistic, Atheistic,
Poetic Nihilist with a Zen outlook on life and perhaps one of the coolest
people on the face of the planet. I have read a copy of this extraordinary
New Age Bible he has written and it has blown me away, he is possibly the
most exciting and influential writer this century."
"Skid Mark, what the fuck are you doing impersonating a Disc Jockey? Last I
heard you were a roadie."
"I called them up this morning after your add came out and told them that I
knew you, they offered me some cash to record this interview."
"Thanks for the glowing Introduction man."
"No problem, how is it going down there?"
Glitter takes a toke and says, "I'm on my fifth joint of the night so it's
all going swimmingly for me."
"No the Big Bong what's happening?"
"Oh, that? Well let me see, I found a site, near the town of Nambucca
Heads, half way between Sydney and Brisbane, we have a bus that acts as our
Hemp quarters, I've raised the Flip sided flag and in doing so have formally
seceded from the world! The Billboards will be erected tomorrow, we're just
waiting for a star chart to be done to determine the exact location and
commencement date for construction of our Bongzilla. What else, I've got a
new girl friend and we start casting for the movie in about a week and the
novel is in it's third reprint in two weeks with more being ordered every
"That's great buddy, will you be shooting any of the movie you're about to
start filming in Dallas?"
"Sure, if they let me back into your fine State that is, if any of your
listeners want a part in the movie, I suggest that they get in contact with
you or they can come on down here and have some fun."
"Have you had any problems with the Police or the Government?"
"Not yet, as a matter of fact I'm hoping to get the contract to burn off all
the Marijuana surplus that has been confiscated by the Police, Have a talk
to your local cops and see if they are interested, the Big Bong will be a
state of the Art Marijuana Incinerator and I think you will find our rates
are very competitive."
"If that happens won't the Police become a transportation system for
donation of Marijuana by your supporters?"
"Hopefully, you're pretty good at this interview thing aren't you?"
"Thanks mate, but we both know I'm only reading this out of your novel."
"Dude you just spoilt the surprise for your listeners!"
"Don't blame me you wrote the script!"
"I was just trying to get you a bit of pocket money for all the help you've
been in the past."
"Thank you, any way, next question, It has been said,"
"Don't interrupt, that's not in the script, Goddamn! I've lost my
"Take all the time you want this is a 1900 number!"
"It has been said that the novel is not literature, would you like to defend
"Skid, the basic premise is that this is a book that is meant to be judged
by it's cover, the novel is purely a merchandising tool and the means by
which smokers can unite and vote with their pockets. When it has sold a
Billion or so copies the statement will be too big to ignore."
"Do you really think that you will sell that many copies?"
"I sure hope so, if this ever gets translated into Chinese I'll piss that
total in, I bet there are heaps of smokers there."
"Do you envision gaining any political power from this?"
"What would I do with political power mate, I'm a poet, but if I did get any
political clout from this I would only use it for my own benefit. Think of
this as a poetry book with a whole bunch of Anarchy wrapped around it."
"While we are on the subject of poetry can you recite one of your poems for
our audience, please tell the one about dancing on the Cadillac, the one you
recited standing from the roof of the Banana Boat outside the London Tavern
"This is a poem I wrote to get the attention of a lovely Dallasite, it's
called Foot Prints / Cadillac Dancing.
Foot prints on a Cadillac roof,
someone stood there, see the proof.
What kind of idiot would do that?
A Cadillac is a symbol, sacrosanct.
Foot prints on my Caddies hood,
I like to dance there, feeling good.
Expression just of being free,
living life exuberantly.
Foot prints calling out to you,
"Remember how you nearly got arrested? The cops wouldn't believe it was your
car that you were kicking the shit out of."
come on up here, room for two.
Never care what others say,
Cadillac dancing, here to stay.
"I had some good times when I was in Dallas, I truly love that town."
"Why did you leave?"
"If I didn't go when I did I never would have left. It was just time to go
man, I left Australia to find out who I was and what I wanted to do for the
rest of my life. I found that out and it was time to go, besides some mates
of mine were holding a crucifixion cruise on Sydney Harbor and I'd always
wanted to fly half way around the world to a party on a whim. I kind of felt
like a true international debt set playboy that weekend, but mainly it was
time to come home and start to write my book."
"Do you have any aspirations for recognition or awards?"
"It could be said that this is an attempt to win the Nobel peace prizes for
peace and literature in the same year, I would also like to win the academy
awards for best screen play, best movie & best sound track. Since the Sump
will be using swimming pool construction methods I expect to win the top
swimming pool design award and some architectural awards for the actual
design of the Bong as well, not to mention top prize in the Cannabis
"I think you stand a pretty good chance of that. Glitter, remember that time
decided to go to New Orleans and we got so stoned we missed the turn off and
ended up in Florida? We missed by a thousand miles"
"Sort of, at least I got to see the Atlantic ocean."
"Then we went to Disney World and you picked up Minnie Mouse?"
"I picked up the girl who wore the costume, I was going to make her to wear
it while we were doing the wild thing but I don't like the rat position, any
way stop talking out of school, have you been down the London Tavern
"Laura Leigh and I ran a book launch there last week, we sold all the
autographed copies that you sent us, which reminds me, send us some more
"Skid, it would be easier if people just read todays copy of the
newspaper, it tells them what to do."
"Man this Big Bong thing of yours is going to get you onto Oprah one
"I can only hope." replies Glitter sardonically.
Skid Mark carries on with out catching the jibe. "Yeah I do believe that you
are going to be bigger than a dead Elvis"
"How about them Packers?"
"They won again, hey are you really going to do that scene in the movie
where you interview the Packers Quarterback?"
"You mean where I ask him- Now you've won the Super Bowl for the Green Bay
Packers what are you going to do next?"
And he replies, "Fuck Disney World, I'm going to the Big Bong!"
"Yeah that's the bit."
"To tell you the truth I reckon it's the best way to get in to see the Super
Bowl for free."
"You could have every Packer fan in the world hating you."
"I can't see why, it will boost the sales of their team sports wear and the
more money they make, the better players they can buy."
"Sounds like Genuine American logic to me, listen I had better wrap this
interview up, you sound pretty straight, how is the weed down there?"
"Dude, I'll send you some Boings when they're made and you can judge for
"Ok Glitter, you come on back now you hear?"
"Soon as I can, I'll hang up now, thank the radio guys for their
unintentional donation to the Big Bong and G'day to all my mates in Dallas
and I'll see you there or you'll see me here, Peace."
Glitter turns off the phone and turns to the gathering, "How do you think
Kellys reply, "So what's this about you and Minnie Mouse."
The Media horde arrive en masse.
Alerted by the Media storm now
raging across the English speaking world.
The morning started with a phone call from Terri, she called to say that she
had cast the horoscope and that Glitter should break dirt at precisely 11:30
Am, she added that she had just finished shooting a commercial and would be
there the following day, she also wanted to be sure that she could bring
Molly. Glitter agreed instantly about Molly, they had both lived at the
Party House in Drummoyne and he had grown quite attached to the tripodal
hound. As the camp came to life, with bacon and eggs frying on the camp-fire
and the Billy boiling for the first cup of coffee, a removalist van came
bouncing down the road, it was Fordy with the Tee shirts and fresh copies of
the Novel. Glitter called up his mother and asked her if she could bring his
grandfathers spade over. This was a trenching tool that his grandfather had
carried all through the first world war. It had a large dint in the middle
of it caused by a bullet in World War One.
Authors note: His mother lived in the small town just to the north
of the Bong site, whether this was a coincidence or simply Glitter playing
his cards close to his chest is still a matter of debate, my personal
opinion is that Glitter had picked the site out years before.
Glitters Mum, or as she was known, "Saint Anne," arrived minutes before a
veritable plague of media. They all flock to Glitter who is beneath his Flip
sided flag smoking a cigarette and drinking a cuppa, they start shoving
microphones and cameras in his face. Glitters first response is to pull a
Jay from the apparently inexhaustible supply of his boots. He lights it up
and then offers it around, none of the reporters are brave enough to join
"Let's get some things clear from the start, firstly you are all trespassing
on an internationally declared Peace Zone, in future only people wearing a
Big Bong Tee shirt will be allowed enter uninvited. Secondly the only kind
of journalism I am interested in is cheque book journalism. There fore I
suggest you talk amongst yourselves until you sort out who has the deepest
pockets. There are copies of my novel for sale over there in the Mull
Machine, if you want to stay here you can buy your Tee shirts there. Once
you have finished reading the novel, I will then answer a couple of informed
questions. It's only 100 pages, so you should be finished in time to watch
the first shovel full of dirt being turned."
This statement reduces the media into stunned silence, Glitter then turns
and walks back to the Mull machine. He gets inside and opens the window and
starts to sign and sell copies of his novel. As each member of the media
purchase their Tee shirts from Glitter, they naturally all try to pitch
their case for an exclusive interview. He nods and smiles and reminds each
that he will wait until all the bids are in.
Index / Chapter 1 to
Chapter 4 to 8 / Chapter 9 to 11
Chapter 12 to 16 / Chapter 17 to 19