||Chapter 4 - 8
The fire gets larger as all the local pubs
The pile of money, credit cards and weed makes an impressive sight in the
flickering light of the bonfire. Every body now begins to hop around the
fire chanting in unison, Big Bong-Big Bong-Big Bong. More and more people
are attracted by the sight and sound, cars passing on the highway pull up to
check out the melee. The Mull pile grows larger as the new arrivals start to
exchange cash for smoko, members of the local constabulary turn up to
investigate the scene. They are met by the spectacle of an apparent riot,
the situation is not as tense as it normally would be, for the Police are
all clandestine smokers themselves and they recognize a vast majority of the
crowd. They are no fools either as they are outnumbered by a factor of 80 to
1. They ask several members of the crowd for directions as to the
whereabouts of the person running the party, eventually finding their way to
Glitter propped against his pack deep in conversation with a very attractive
blonde surfer girl. He is telling her about the Double Mile High Club, he's
so engrossed in her that he fails to notice the cops and they hear him
the Police are attracted by the light of a blazing bonfire.
"The original mile high club was started by people making love in an
Airplane a mile above the ground, when I flew back from the States last time
I had about six joints inside my boot, I waited until the passengers were
mostly asleep and sauntered to the back of the plane, the lights were low
and I struck up a conversation with a hostess, as we were talking I casually
took out a joint and fired it up. I had used some pungent Turkish tobacco as
to disguise the tell tale aroma of the Red Ranky Skanky Texas Skunk buds. As
we were speaking in hushed tones she couldn't help but breathe in the smoke,
now this is like one hit weed, so the whole scene became very surreal, next
thing she's dragging on the joint and then she takes me down in
to the bowels of the aircraft and I proceed to blow out the entire cabin
crew. The plane is on Auto Pilot and so are we, so I suppose you can say I
invented the Double Mile High Club. In fact when it's time to light the Bong
I intend chartering a Jumbo Jet, flying to Greece and sparking a spliff from
the Olympic flame, and then by keeping it alight, bumper to bumper, fly it
all the way back to Australia to use the ultimate joint to start the flame
that stokes the Bong, how would you like to come with me?"
"Sure." replies the now wide eyed girl.
"Are you sure you're sure Kelly?" asks the Police Sergeant.
"Daddy! What are you doing here?"
"My job sweetheart, what's your name son?"
"Glitter. Have you come to help us in our quest for world peace or have you
come to hinder it?" Asks Glitter calmly.
"We only came because it seems the whole town is here and we were feeling
left out!" says the youngest cop.
"Well Glitter it appears that you have my daughter and most of the towns
folk convinced so I suppose we've come here to help you." Said the Police
Man with a smile.
"Cool. Let me tell you of my plans for turning this exact spot into the
Number One tourist attraction in the World."
The sergeant sits down with Glitter as the younger two run off to join their
girlfriends around the fire, he listens as Glitter explains the conspiracy,
a smoker himself, he lights a joint and uses it to point at the various
plans and pictures, occasionally asking a question or shaking his head and
"Man, I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew with this one,
I don't know if the older members of the community will be too thrilled with
the amount of drop kick dead heads this Bong will attract and more
importantly I don't know how long I will be able to keep the powers that be
off your back."
"Daddy you must be able to help." pleads Kelly.
"The important thing is that they must look beyond the negative short term
aspects and look at the big picture. When this thing gets rolling the
economic windfall for the community and the entire population of the country
is enormous, almost beyond belief."
"Glitter the second that you erect those Billboards you will be swamped with
Media and they will either shut you down or force me to lock you up."
"Sarge, I have thought about that, since this is a movie set they can't stop
us, I have a constitutional right to artistic expression, the Big Bong is a
statue of a peace pipe after all. If the local council try to shut us down
for safety code violations they will lose there on the grounds that no
council has existing regulations on the number of occupants a marijuana
smoking implement can hold nor on it's maximum or minimum size. When we fire
the thing up for the finale scene I fully expect the whole issue of legality
to be a moot point, this is fiction after all."
"You have a point there, but the whole thing is preposterous."
"That be as it may be, but the main reason I want to erect this statue in
the first place is the symbolism that a large peace pipe represents. Down
through the ages men have sat around and discussed their differences under a
flag of truce or in the sharing of a pipe. Now we all must concede that
somewhere between the idea of the United Nations and the establishment of
that august body something was lost. Most of the representatives are either
more concerned about their own countries interests or their own position
within their political hierarchy. There is a large section of the worlds
population that consider themselves completely disenfranchised. Since man
developed the capacity for abstract thought, we have been looking for the
perfect society, I've had a look and guess what? It's here, we crossed the
finishing line and no one else has realized. By that I mean if you compare
any era to the last ten years, we have made tremendous strides, we are
living in a comparative heaven. As soon as we stop squabbling over who was
here first, the better off we'll all be, every man, woman and child on
"You don't believe in land right for indigenous people?"
"Sarge, we live on a fucking ball that's flying through a void, it is
impossible for any one sub species to have been here first, we are all the
same kind of mammal, the piece of dirt upon which you are born is
irrelevant, it's more the things you have done to improve civilization that
"You know, I've never thought of it like that before."
"Look around you, see how happy the people are? They feel that they are part
of something, something more than the same old same old. With all the time
saving innovations in the world today the biggest problem that now confronts
us is boredom, kids today have assimilated all their information from a
flickering box in the corner of the room. They lack the direct experience
you gain from doing things, they figure if they've seen it on TV then they
must automatically possess those skills. I decided a few years ago that I'd
had enough with a society that that has evolved from a flat earth ego
centric view of the universe so I dropped out and was happily doing the poet
writing thing when this idea occurred to me. Now I intend to build the Peace
Pipe and in doing so toss a Peace Stone into the turbulent lake of world
politics, when enough people get involved, then the ripple will turn into a
tidal wave. Perhaps the major problem we face should we succeed with this
Add-venture and all the worlds leaders gather atop the Big Bong, will all
the worlds guns be pointing at it or away from it, although I repeat this is
a ball we live on so ultimately all guns point toward themselves."
"Good point Glitter, what of the security aspects?"
"Sarge you have just been appointed head of security so it's your problem.
But I think I have found a way around any aggression."
"Do tell." says the Sarge non-committingly.
"Simple really, this is first and foremost a movie, I intend to cast
political leaders from the past and present. See that guy over there? He's
an Irish computer programmer now living in Sydney and you'd have to admit he
bears a striking resemblance to Vladimir Lenin. There are only so many
genetic patterns that the human face and body can conform to, I intend to
have such a wide cross section of people present at the finale that no
matter how extreme the individual there will be too many of his heroes here.
Since this is the most radical statement yet conceived, the lunatic fringe
will be by their very credos, supportive."
"What happens if none of the actual world leaders turn up?"
"Fuck-em, we'll just imitate them, it's a movie remember."
The Big Bong Theory States;
If a tree falls on YOU when you are in the forest,
then there is a
good chance that YOU
will make noise longer than the tree.
The deep philosophical part of the party,
Authors Note; In the mid Nineties there was a great deal of vocal
minority agitation, various ethic groups were pushing to have Australia
become a republic and to change the flag. It was a very touchy subject and
threatened to drive a wedge between all the different interests, Glitter was
the one who worked out the perfect compromise. His out side the square
thinking is never more evident than in the design of our current National
flag, whilst his solution makes sense to us born under this flag, this was
pretty controversial at the time.
where the good stuff can
"There are so many good things
about the flag that we already have that it makes change for the sake of
change wrong. You must look carefully at what you are tearing down before
you can start rebuilding. The Union Jack in the corner is a flag of
unity>and rebellion, it kind of says Fuck you Europe and your old flat earth
of thinking. The star below symbolizes the unity of Australia and the bright
shining hope we have for our future. The Southern Cross is a star map, when
you see it overhead it lets you know where you are, in the past the ancient
pacific peoples found their way here by following that very constellation.
So the flag has past, present and future relevance. The flag is also a
business logo that this nation has spent a lot of time and money promoting,
to completely change it doesn't make economic sense. For the last Ninety or
so years we have been competing on the playing fields, battle grounds and
boardrooms under this banner, so it is lunacy to throw away all those years
of hard work and expense. Yet the back of the flag conjures up none of that
nationalistic fervor, so logically that's where we start. Behind the Union
Jack we put the Aboriginal flag, it's colors and symbols are representative
of this harsh land that all of us, black and white both, have been trying to
tame. Behind the Southern Cross, for reasons of symmetry, we put the Eureka
Stockade cross and stars, it's also a very proud flag and a true rebellious
symbol. It has a fuck you colonialism and oppression thing going on. Then we
put a representation of the earth as seen from outer space behind the star
and below the Koori flag, the only difference is that Australia is oriented
the right way up, with the rest of Asia below her. This will make it a true
southerly oriented flag and also remind the world that the Earth is round
and there is no top or bottom. Let's face it, what better country to have
the first flip sided flag! The true beauty of this solution is that when you
stand on the side that suits you best, the wind and weather will mock you
and remind you of the vagrancys of nature. The flag of your choice is what
you decorate you head stone with."
"Glitter you are a truly deep thinking individual, yet you appear confused,
on one hand you want to unite the world and on the other, you are fiercely
proud Australian, can you rationalise that?"
"Sarge, Australian is a state of mind, not a place of birth, as far as I can
tell I'm about as Aussie as you can get with out having a long tail
and>hopping around. I have spent much of my thinking on that paradox and the
most honest answer is that first I am a human, next I am a male but
ultimately and mainly I'm a citizen of the world. People have a need to
follow a cause and that cause needs a symbol, perhaps when this whole flag
thing is behind us we can get on with the important problems that need
redressing, like education and health. It's also hard to answer a
generalization with a specific, I have an inquiring mind and much prefer to
listen than to talk. Tonight I am just about talked out, please tell me how
you became so enlightened?"
"I am a product of the system under which I serve and there is a lot to be
said for your ideals. I served my country in Vietnam and learnt about
political intrigue the hard way, too many of my mates are buried there
because of the same self serving interests that stand before you now. I
doubt that I will ever forget, but I am also aware of how lucky I was to get
out of there alive. I have managed to forgive our so called enemy but still
have trouble forgiving those on my
side who went to violent extremes. The scope of the situation was that it
was easier to keep you head down than to make a stand. Trouble was that
besides soldiering there wasn't much else for me to do other than to join
the Police upon my demobilisation. In those days I had a desire to change
the world and protect the innocents so that never again would anyone have to
go through the same hell I had to. In fact I worked far harder to end that
war than I did when I was in the war. Sigh, Those bright shining ideals have
slowly been crushed by the blindness of the law and the utter disregard that
some people have for others. You have rekindled the fire and I thank you for
that. Actually any chance we can stop talking like we're making speeches of
world importance and just talk like a couple of guys?"
Glitter laughs at the Sarges quip and realizes that it's an attempt to
change the topic of conversation and so responds.
"Lofty ideals require lofty words but have a toke on this and we'll kick
on>back and maybe I can talk some more to your beautiful daughter who has
sitting here patiently."
"Just remember that she is my daughter." warns the Sarge.
"Sarge, last time I checked every girl is someone's daughter, I think it
only fair to let Kelly make up her own adult mind."
Kelly looks at her Dad and in that moment they both realise that Glitter is
"Dad it's getting late why don't you go home to mum, I think I'm in safe
"Ok sweetheart, but watch out for him, he's a poet and they are known for
being drunks, bums and/or fornicators," he grins at Glitter, "perhaps that's
where the words come from, he certainly has the gift of the gab."
"I prefer to call it charisma mate, and to tell the truth, the words don't
come from anywhere, they are already there, I just know where to find
A couple of poems and the love scene?
Kelly asks to hear another one of Glitters poems.
"This is a poem I wrote for another Kelly years ago, I gave it to her for
her birthday. It's called Heart Song.
I love you like the sunset,
then need you like sunrise,
words cannot express,
your beauty to my eyes.
I need you for existence,
as much as I need air,
there's nothing worse than waking
and finding you not there.
I cannot call you beautiful
for that word is over used,
if loving you is criminal,
then here I stand accused.
I hope you find me guilty,
of like and love and trust.
For there can be no doubt,
I'll love you till I'm dust
"You really must have loved her."
"Yes, and in a way I still do, she is a very special memory and when I sit
down to write poetry I often think of her, enough about me, tell me some
more about you."
"Would you like to go for a walk, I talk better when I'm moving and it's
almost time for the sunrise, there's a great view point not far from here
where we can be alone. I could listen to you talk all night long."
that said they wander off, hand in hand Kelly chatting brightly about
growing up free and wild on the beach.
Authors Note; I don't think you need too much imagination as to
what transpired next, a beautiful girl, a fabulous view of a sunrise through
the gum trees and the honeyed voice of a poet. In the movie there is a
gratuitous sex scene shown, whether that was for artistic reasons or whether
he wanted to roll around with the beauty who finally won the coveted role of
Kelly will never be known! Glitter was first and foremost a lover, he had
many affairs in his life but he was a free spirit and prone to simply
wandering off or going walkabout as it's called. I don't think he ever meant
to hurt anyone, it wasn't that he was afraid of commitment or
responsibility, rather he preferred to be independent, he never bought into
the societal picture that you had to be half a couple to be happy, perhaps
it's best to cite one of his poems as an illustration, this poem works as
well for a person as a place.
It's titled No Regrets,
Can I poem this without tears? And confront all my fears?
Then hit the road for ever? And not look back?
With no regrets? No chance.
But I have paid attention all the time that I've been here,
and you know I've really had some fun! It's time I went.
With no regrets? No chance.
I never look for wisdom in the trees or in the skies,
the only place I find it , is in other peoples eyes.
No regrets? Well said.
I cannot both be here and there, I feel torn clear in two,
I hope the bits I've left behind are all you need for you.
No regrets? One or two.
I've never built a monument to my immortality.
Never ever seen the fucking point.
No regrets? Not by me...Liar.
So I leave you with the knowledge that this poem was fairly writ,
and now the tears are streaming down my face.
No regrets??? Well perhaps a bit.
The Big Bong Theory States;
Since we all enjoy the taste of eggs,
think of the untapped commercial potential of Rooster Sperm.
Or is the imagery just too vivid?
In the ashes of the party the full natural splendor of the site is
revealed by the rising sun.
All the revelers of the night before are crashed out around the dying embers
of the fire, only Glitter remains awake, his insomnia fueled by a
combination of nervous tension, sexual adrenaline and elation at the
culmination of years of planning. The following is an excerpt from his
7;03 Am, somedate or other. What an eventful time I've had since last
time I wrote dear linear scholar! I finally got sick of trying to raise
money to make the movie in Sydney. On a whim I decided to come up the coast
and scout out a location for the Bong. I got a lift in an old Rolls Royce
with a great guy, I got his business card and will attempt to borrow the
vehicle for the movie. Any way I gate crashed a session that I smelt from
the road and now it looks as though I have found a spot to start. Originally
I wanted to come up the coast with a fat cheque book and
start shooting the movie. It now looks like I will have to go with plan B
and secede from Australia. I still for the life of me can't understand why
this idea hasn't attracted some serious investment, perhaps it's the subject
matter, perhaps it's me. I met a seriously wonderful girl last night who
turns out to be the local Police sergeants daughter, I hope my personal life
doesn't interfere with my dream, mind you if it doesn't it will be the first
time! The Sarge has agreed to run interference for me for as long as he can.
Last night about three hundred people spontaneously turned up and I almost
had a riot on my hands! Most of them are still crashed out around me, I
don't expect them all to stay.
Note to self, A) Order tee shirts from Sydney in four colors, Red for cast,
White for crew/staff, Black for security, Yellow for the Visitors/Theorists.
B) Generate ransom notes and dispatch the emissaries to Coke and Pepsi,
ensure that they are wired for sound so as to include the actual
conversations, that way the dialogue for those scenes will be factual. C)
Find out who owns this block of land and inform them that I have raised the
flip-sided flag and therefore have claimed this area in the name of world
peace. D) Contact the people who wish to invest and tell them a start has
been made. E) Beg, borrow or buy a caravan to act as the on site collection
point or "Mull Machine." F) Print up a couple of thousand copies of the
Novel, these will work as revenue raiser and also serve to spread the word.
On a personal note I wonder how much my life will be affected by this? The
billboards are the highest priority.
Glitter now moves about the Bong site talking to the party wreckage as they
all wake up the worse for wear. All the while he is asking questions as to
what skills they possess or wish to possess, the only common factor of those
selected for the many tasks is enthusiasm. Those that wish to depart do so,
Glitter bids them all farewell and tells them to bring either photos of
their smoking equipment or the implements themselves for inclusion in the
Marijuana Hall of Fame. He reminds them that if they want to have free
access to the site to come back and buy a tee-shirt.
He addresses the
remaining throng, "We have a long way to go before any of us can relax, many
obstacles to overcome and many criticisms to endure. Firstly, separate your
selfs into the following work crews, Bill Boards, Bong construction, Food,
Security, Tee shirt sales, Joint rollers and Bong packers. Hey! Not too many
in the last category! Ok, now the crews that you have joined are fluid, if
you see someone else needs help, feel free to assist. I also suggest you
start thinking up ways to direct some of the massive profit that will soon
be flowing this way into your own profit niche.
At first you will be
paid in Green, now while
that sounds useless, remember green is now worth more than gold. I have
officially declared this a world peace zone, we have seceded from Australia.
Our basic currency is to be the BOING. The Boing (A combination of
Bong and Big.) is to be made of rice paper impregnated with Marijuana, that
way you can simply roll it up and smoke the equivalent amount of ganja.
These promise to be quite a souvenir in themselves! The currency exchange
rate is still to be set, but since it is the true green back and the first
multi-purpose currency, I expect it will end up being worth more than most
regular bills. Ok, now go and study the Plan that I have already drawn up,
it shows you the entire conspiracy progression from start to finish. It is
in the form of a novel, this is mainly due to the complexity of the project,
if any of you have any suggestions, please feel free to come directly to
The over view plan revealed.
Authors Note; I quote now from the original, this is the Overview
plan that Glitter typed up in one of his guerrilla attacks on a computer.
When he typed this he was totally broke and attempting to write short
stories for a travel magazine, the problem he always faced was that his
style of writing and sense of humor was, for the most part, unpublishable.
Fortunately an old mate allowed him to use his word processor, this enabled
his writing to at last look professional. Glitter always preferred to write
in long hand, he was often heard to bemoan the fact that the production
standards demanded from the Technocrats of his era precluded original talent
from mass exposure and the monetary success that would enable his dream to
come to fruition. He also had the additional pressure and expense of getting
from the country retreat where he boarded with Star Buck to the city. The
hour of travel each way was spent reviewing and editing that days output and
he learnt much of the structuring of prose that is evident in his work from
this period onwards. Up until this point all Bong research was done
verbally, very few
people had seen the entire plan or conspiracy of one as he referred to
The Peace Pipe Project.
Over View; The attempt to construct a world famous Pop Art
Icon on the Mid North Coast of Australia in time for the Sydney Olympics
and the end of the Millennium.
The Target Audience;Everybody & Anybody who makes a pilgrimage to
smoke the Pipe of Peace. Every curious passer by, any one who has ever
smoked Marijuana, every one who wants to participate in world peace, every
one who likes a comedy, every one who likes to read a book or see a movie.
Everybody who collects souvenirs, baseball caps, Tee shirts or similar.
Everybody who believes that a smoking implement is art. In short a 10%
response from any one of these categories will bring a staggering influx of
capital into the profit funnel this venture will provide.
The Statue; The working title of the Movie/Novel is the "Big Bong
Theory." (a parody of the Big Bang theory) The code name of the
Sculpture/Statue for council approval purposes will be "Tourist Tower." The
statue is to be constructed out of Steel and will utilize current water
tower construction techniques. It will also be a fully functioning Peace
Pipe and due to the dual spiral ramps that wind their way to the top wheel
chair accessible. The top of the structure will afford a 360 degree view of
the surrounding Marijuana theme park and factory complex. The entire complex
will also be available as an open air concert venue for various forms of
community expression ie; New Years eve, Australia day etc.
The Construction, Dimensions and Design features. The plans drawn up
by rebel artist Glitter call for prefabricated steel segments that bolt
together, each segment will be approximately 4 metres(12 feet) in height and
have a radius of 10 metres(30 feet). Each segment will therefore have a
subscription capacity of 1125 "Boxes", measuring 30cm X 30cm, (12inX12in)
the cost of each box directly related to the perceived status of each level,
the pattern should follow existing real estate values as they relate to high
rise apartments. As each segment is fully subscribed it can then be lifted
into position. In this manner the media exposure will be maximized, for
example the selected Radio and Television stations could run a weekly series
on Bong progression. Cheque book journalism at it's best! Total projected
segments 20, the total amount of subscribers (Interior) is 22,500.
The structure will sit on top of a preconstructed foundation (or Sump) that
acts as a water filter and a ballast/keel. The Sump will utilize swimming
pool construction technologies and water filtration/recycling techniques, it
will also have a subscription capacity of 2,500. this brings the total Bong
capacity to 25,000. Assuming that the average value of each box is $100 a
total of Two and a half Million dollars will be raised by this facet alone.
The plan also calls for the
construction of fiberglass external silhouettes, this will provide
additional revenue from the various soft drink manufacturing firms for the
use of the Bong as a Billboard for Bottles. The chameleon aspect of the
external silhouettes ties in with the eventual marketing strategy of
renewable clip-on plastic externals for the scale souvenirs of the Big Bong.
Trade name Bong-Ons. Thereby ensuring that the project has an ongoing
commercial profile with a
collectors or limited edition marketing style.
Capital Outlay; This project is to a large degree self funding but
seed capital is required.
This would enable the project to purchase the land and the necessary
building materials to advance to the stage of self sufficiency. Investment
would be by either a group of like minded individuals or by syndicates that
have expertise in any of the multiple facets of this project. A cheaper
alternative exists but that requires the transgression of most of the laws
and statutes of Australia. In other words a political declaration of the
site as a world peace zone and
secession from the government of Australia.
Authors Note; There was more to this hand out, including
construction plans , it went on to give Glitters address and phone number.
The response from this was Nil, Zero, Zip, Nada, not a single person stepped
forward to offer him any thing else but luck. Luck is a good thing to have,
but you can't eat it or smoke it. At this stage of his life he would have
been prepared to offer percentages of the eventual profit in exchange for
money to initiate the project. In his journals there are page after page of
estimations of initial start-up costs. He figured by doing all the work
himself he could build the billboards and start to retail Tee shirts and
copies of his novel with an initial budget of $15,000! Naturally this was
about 15 grand more than he had and with his credit history no one would
trust him to sign a lease or to quote some of the sayings in the Motor
trade, he couldn't get finance on a pop up toaster with 99% deposit or he
should go see the Chinese finance company Lump Sum! He made several copies
of this and posted them to friends in England and the US, he also handed
them out to anyone else who showed the slightest interest in his project.
You must remember that we are talking about a period of history where
marijuana was illegal. The world was yet to be divided into it's current
geographical trading entities. Europe was attempting to become a unified
trading bloc as was the US-Canada-Mexico Axis. The Cold War wasn't over it
had merely moved from the battlefield to the boardroom. The eventual Asian
trade combine was still fractured by the ethnic divisions of it's peoples.
The Russian experiment with Communism had failed and all their vassal states
crumbling into anarchy. The South American continent was filled with
starvation and corruption, Africa more so. The Arabic solidarity of the
previous twenty years was imploding under the various religious jihads and
Central Asia was also allowing religious differences to stand in the way of
unity. Australia was in a unique situation in the evolving new world order,
the population was ethnically diverse, well educated and well protected due
to various long standing alliances. There were vast mineral resources and
her geographic location was such they she could remain distant from the
Geopolitics of the time. The Government was basically an elected Capitalist-
Socialist symbiosis that provided a safety net for the social misfits and
outcasts that exist no matter the era or culture. Television was expanding
it's global message of Win, Obey, Buy and Succeed in accordance with the
long range world domination strategy of the Multi National Corporations.
There was much opposition to Glitters plan, yet in his skillful manipulation
of the rules of advertising and shrewd business sense (coupled with the
historians gift of hindsight) we can see that he was always several steps
ahead of his opponents. No one knew quite what to make of his maverick
scheme, at first glance it appeared to be a complete piece of lunacy, yet
with careful study revealed itself to be a cleverly orchestrated structure
of blatant commercial manipulation.
The Big Bong Theory States;
I think, therefore I Scam.
Index / Chapter 1 to
Chapter 4 to 8 / Chapter 9 to 11
Chapter 12 to 16 / Chapter 17