The Billboard crew start to plan.
Back at the Bong site the billboard crew are sitting around and working out the size
and amount of timber they will need. Glitter walks over to see what they had in mind, he
had already done the costing and knew the optimum scale. He sits down to join them and
takes a joint out of his boot, lights up and hands it around.
Freeball the clown speaks up, "I think I've come up with a way to kill two birds with
Nice pun Glitter thinks to himself and totally in context too, this kid has got a future.
"Let's hear it Freeball."
"You were going to use four by fours for the uprights, right?"
"Or six by sixes, it always depended on the budget, when I nutted this idea out it
was just a book, I never knew if I was going to succeed or not."
"Well sooner or later we are going to need electricity, how about I talk to one of my
mates who works for the electric company and see if he can lend us some telegraph poles.
They will be stronger than anything we can buy. I'm also prepared to bet that they'll dig
the holes and tap into the wires for us if we get them stoned and laid!"
"Brilliant, who said you were a clown? You can be in charge of this operation.
Actually there may be a whole subplot for the movie in this escapade. Make sure that you
tell them that to give you extra leverage, not that you'll need any extra leverage when
you are talking sex and drugs. A word of caution, favors from friends can take for ever
and these bill boards are the highest priority. These are the method that will attract the
customers we need to continue. The money from the sale of the merchandise is what carries
us through the interim until we can prove that we have the Hall of Fame for exhibiting
peoples Bongs and stuff."
"How long have we got?"
"Order all the wood for the signs and we can assemble the signs except for the
uprights, that way if we don't get the telegraph poles on time, then we'll simply go back
to plan A."
"How long until the Tee shirts get here?"
"Star buck has the designs and the money for the initial order of 1000. They should
be ready by tomorrow afternoon. Any body know anyone coming up from Sydney in a
"Yeah," says Bruce the Postie, "My brother in-law Fordy owns Long Hair
Removals, he's not real smart but he can lift heavy things. His company has trucks coming
past here all the time and since all of his drivers are smokers, they'll all stop
"How can I get hold of Fordy so I can give him the transportation contract?"
"Call him on his mobile!"
"Tell you what, take my mobile, call Fordy and then let Freeball call the lumber
yard" turning his attention back to the clown, he says, "Now I have to know, why
are you called Freeball?"
"Every Christmas since I can remember, my mum has been buying me underpants, I guess
I never acquired the skill for my self. My life style is pretty hard on the old undies,
with all the surfing, unicycleing and juggling that I do I'm lucky to have a single pair
left by October. Since I'd rather spend my limited income on the important things in life,
like the three P's, Pot, Piss and Pussy. I just Free Ball the last two months to
Every one cracks up. Glitter then asks, "Any of you guys know anyone with an old
caravan? We need to create the Mull Machine. We need a place to store the Mull and money
and also to act as Hemp-quarters!"
"My dad has an old bus he might give us, it's already been converted into a
camper." says Kelly who has wandered over to give Glitter a message that his
attention is required elsewhere.
"Thanks Kelly, use my mobile after Bruce and Freeball."
"What's your phone number Glitter? asks Bruce.
"1 900 Big Bong of course! Also, Bruce when you go to work on Monday can you open me
a post box, the address has to be Big Bong Australia, you could also call the GPO and
"No problem, do you think you'll be getting much mail?
"Buddy, I expect a fucking avalanche. That's how people order their Big Bong Packs.
Can you imagine the look on some kids mothers' face when he receives a package marked
WARNING this parcel contains drug paraphernalia all the way with love from
Kelly is laughing as hard as the rest of them but she reminds him that there are some
"straights" waiting for him over by the gum tree. Glitter walks off to meet his
visitors and the rest start to either make their phone calls or plan the nights party.
Where the three wise men re-acquaint themselves
with a long lost friend and some early stuff about Glitter.
Sitting beneath the Gum tree are three normal people, in fact Glitter had gone to school
with these three guys. When they had all moved down from the bush they had kept in contact
although their lives had taken extremely divergent paths. The first Barry Lazel had gone
on to become a lawyer of some renown, the second, Adrian Blond, had spent the intervening
years working as a metallurgist in the steel town of Newcastle and the last had spent his
life as a Nuclear Physicist, his name was Blake Markford. All three were married to their
first real girlfriends and had two kids apiece, they were as stated, refreshingly normal.
The major similarity between them was the race they were involved in to see who would go
bald first. So as you'd expect their conversation was initially about hair.
"Guys it's good to see what's left of you!" says Glitter with a smile, tactfully
avoiding any reference to their well fed bodies, "It seems like married life agrees
"Glitter when are you getting a hair cut?"
"Bazz, this is my future toupee you're looking at, I figure that when I eventually
get this cut, I'll have it made into a wig!"
"You got plenty of hair left you lucky bastard." Bemoans Blake.
The conversation remains on this topic for a while then Barry speaks. "So it looks
like you've pulled it off!"
"Not quite, I still need you guys to help me." replies Glitter.
Authors Note; In the early eighties when Glitter
was a fledgling car racer these four would all pile into his LJ Torana sports sedan and
share the cost of the gasoline as they went ballistic up the twisty and dangerous Pacific
Highway. Glitter always drove and the guys were there for ballast, he would position them
according to their weight! From all accounts it was a harrowing experience, Glitter loved
to drive, from an early age his mechanic father (an ex racer himself) had filled his head
with stories of cars and drivers. Glitter was a professional driver for most of his life,
he simply had an affinity with machinery, he used to tell us when we were kids the true
secret of driving a car was to imagine that the front wheels were your feet and the back
wheels were your shoulders. My dad was pretty good behind the wheel himself, I remember
when I was learning to drive and uncle Glitter was giving me lessons, I remarked to him
that he didn't seem all that much better than Dad, his reply, I hope you never get to see
how good I am because that means we are in a life threatening situation. Later on we went
out to a race track for some advanced lessons in car control and I finally got to see him
really drive. He was all and more than he ever said he was.
"Ok guys, I need to ask you formally, now I know we made a pact years ago, but it's
for real now."
Barry is the first to speak. "I remember how many times you were there for me in the
past, of course I'll do your legal work. In fact I've already incorporated a company with
you and your mother as owners, I chose her to be your silent partner, with all her links
to the community and the good work she does with the church she is beyond reproach."
"Thanx man, how much do I owe you?"
"Just the opportunity to continue to manage your legal affairs, I can see plenty of
kudos in being the legal mind behind world peace. Plus I can't wait to take on the big
boys who work for these major corporations should they try to fuck with you."
"Adrian, do you want in?"
"Yes I do, I have many contacts within the steel industry and can help you
enormously. I see that you have some preliminary designs for this structure you want to
build, do you have an architect in mind? I'll need some hard plans drawn up, also who is
to supervise the actual construction?
"There are already proper plans drawn up for this by a well respected Sydney
architect, Ultra Cool Jones and as far as the construction I'm waiting to hear from Kim
Jersey, my old boss, this would be a piece of piss for him. It's only a tin can after
"Suits me, what about Blake? What the hell do you need a Nuclear physicist for?"
"Blake and I are going to break the speed of light together one day! And what's more
important I've worked out a way to fund our research, Blake and I are going into the Space
Blake just grins because he and Glitter had been talking about this for years. He had been
doing the math and it was theoretically possible. Glitter quickly out lines the plan for
the other two.
"The basic idea is this, with the profit made from the Big Bong we'll buy up all the
nuclear missiles in the world or preferably get the disposal contract for them. Fill them
with toxic waste and a couple of paying passengers and then let them fly. We'll aim them
at the sun, we can't miss because it is the source of all gravity in our solar system. The
sun is basically a nuclear furnace and so is the only true safe place to get rid of these
weapons of mass destruction. It can't be too hard to weld a window into one of those
babies and since it's a one way trip we don't have to get too carried away with life
support systems, a set of skin-diving air tanks will suffice! I intend to use terminally
ill patients as the passengers and worn out astronauts as pilots, there are people who
would pay heavily for the chance to see the Earth from outer space. It would be a race to
see what killed them first, the radiation from all the toxic waste, lack of air, their
disease or sunburn, I bet it won't be boredom. The name for this enterprise is Sundivers,
a true Eco Funeral company and the ultimate Viking burial."
Blake continues, "Yes and we will monitor such things as acceleration down the
gravity well and how close our rockets get before they melt, we'll take all that data and
then build a ship that is capable of hitting the speed of light. After all, me and Glitter
aren't going until it's safe! There is a black hole in the centre of our Sun, I figure if
we can hit it's event horizon just as our mass becomes infinite, the gravitational forces
will accelerate us past the speed of light and into the next dimension. It's all a matter
of speed and scale, just as there are scales smaller than ours, so too must there be
larger scales, the only way to escape this dimension is out through the star gate."
"Uh, I hate to piss on your parade," says Adrian, "but have you pair
thought what would happen to the sun when an infinitely large object hits it travelling at
the speed of light?"
"Well at least we will answer the old paradox of irresistible force meeting an
immovable object, besides if the sun goes nova, no one will ever know!" says Glitter
Just then the Sarge comes bouncing down the track in an old Greyhound bus, the bus is
decorated like a psychedelic nightmare.
"Here's you new Hemp quarters Glitter, at least my daughter will be able to sleep
comfortably now." Yells the Sarge!
"Cool set of wheels Sarge, how long you had these?"
"Since about 1980, I bought it off a hippie mate of mine who wanted to go straight,
as a matter of fact, Kelly was conceived in this bus back in my Vietnam War protest
"Daddy you promised you'd stop telling that story."
Introductions are made all round, Barry offers to drive the Sarge back to town and they
start to discuss all the various legal details that have to be worked out. As they
disappear in the direction of the town Barry is assuring the Sarge that for all intents
and purposes Glitter has got a definite film unit functioning and that the entire venture
is legal based upon the fact that many movies are made nowadays strictly as financial
vehicles rather than entertainment, Glitters' movie only differs from the norm in the way
it is using merchandising to fund the enormous cost of modern movie making up front!
Big Bong Theory States;
If there is no
after life, then how will you know if you've ever lived? This is only an observation. But
if there is a life after death, then who would want to remember their previous life in a
realm of infinite possibilities and duration? This too is an observation. It is usually
about this time that I realize that it makes far more sense to thoroughly enjoy the
existence that I'm relatively sure sure I'm living now, also an observation. It concludes,
If your life flashes past your eyes in the instant of death, then logically the last thing
that flashes before your eyes in the instant of your death is your life flashing before
your eyes. Does this continue ad infinitum?
As the sun is setting all present gather around the Mull Machine.
Several steaks are sizzling over the camp fire.
After dinner as the Bongs and joints are passed around all is peaceful. The discussion
is based upon the next steps to be taken. Freeball has some good news about the uprights.
"Glitter the electricity boys will be here in the morning, I've ordered the timber,
it should get here around noon. Big Al has got all the tools we'll need. They should be
erected by tomorrow evening at the latest who have you got in mind for the sign writing?
Big Al is a bit of an artist in his spare time, how about him?"
"Suits me as long as he copies the cover of the novel, any problems with that style
of writing Al?"
"No." replies Al.
"Bruce, how did you go with Fordy?"
"He'll pick up the tee shirts from the factory as soon as they are ready, I gave him
Starbucks number and told him to talk direct."
"Well done, all in all a very productive day, if I may say so."
They all sit back, each lost in their own worlds, Kelly breaks the silence, "Glitter
tells us some more about what's next, when do we start to cast for the movie?"
"I have always planned to star the people who actually do the work, kind of use a
documentary style, I have no knowledge of film making, basically I am waiting for the
experts to find me. Once the signs are up the media attention will be terrific, although I
wish I could see the faces on the general population of Dallas about now. My add should be
in todays edition."
Glitter then goes into the mull machine and returns with a copy, he hands it around.
Authors note; Here is a copy of the Add that
Glitter had Laura Leigh take out in the Dallas morning News. This was a full page add and
was paid for by money raised by her and "Skid Mark" Knickerbocker from copies of
Glitters book that they had distributed. It had a blown up copy of the cover of the novel
and under that was the following prose;
The Big Bong theory, the most controversial movie of all time, has finally found a
location to begin filming. The movie requires the actual construction of a working twenty
story Marijuana Smoking Device, one you will able to walk inside, your every breath a Bong
Hit. The lighting ceremony could well become the biggest party the world has ever seen, it
has a strong world peace theme and is based upon the novel of the same name. Copies of
this novel are available by sending $12(US), address your envelope to The Big Bong Theory,
Australia. If you wish to send photos of your Bong for inclusion in the Marijuana Hall of
Fame send a total of $125. The first 2,500 receive a free "I believe in the Big Bong
theory" Exhibitors edition Tee shirt and bumper sticker. (please allow 6 to 8 weeks
Bruce says, "I can see why you are expecting an avalanche of mail and media
attention, that will set the tongues wagging."
"Yeah, I chose Dallas for several reasons, besides the fact it is one of the most
happening cities in the world, there is a place there called Las Colinas where the head
offices of all the top companies are located. It is considered the hub of American
commerce, it's also quite conservative, so there will be a nice balance of admiration and
outrage. Texas is the most powerful of all the American states and as much as the rest of
the country hates to admit it, they all follow their lead. You know when I first started
this whole project off not many people here in Australia gathered the full significance of
the Texas connection. In America almost 50% of the population either have or still smoke
Pot, that gives me a potential customer base of over 100 million, the numbers are much the
same for all the first world countries. There is going to be a huge response."
All around the camp-fire are silent as they ponder the full import and size of the
Freeball says, "How are we ever going to fill all those orders?"
"Freeball, that has always been one of my biggest concerns, but I also realize that
eventually I will have to sub contract some of the facets of this operation. That is why I
have proceeded the way I have. I have been nurturing my progression, advancing to the next
level only when I was sure that I could fulfill the promises I was making. Remember 6 to 8
weeks is a long time, it takes the mail 5 days each way in these modern times, Tee shirts
can be mass produced within that time frame, as can the bumper stickers. Remember no other
country in the world has the abundance of wool and natural resources that we do."
"How did you get so smart?" asks Kelly.
"I got most of the basics from a book called the Art of War by Sun Tzu, also I have
been a voracious reader for much of my life. I have an understanding of human nature from
years of selling cars, when someone comes to buy a car they are conditioned to hate and
distrust the salesman, in order to overcome this huge disadvantage, you quickly develop
communication skills. But mostly I have been living, breathing and planning this operation
since I was a 15 year old selling Gasoline on the side of the road. I always wanted to
find a way to sell everybody in the world something, be it product, knowledge or simply an
alternative way of thinking. You have no idea how hard it has been to get to this stage, I
have had obstacle after obstacle thrust in my way. Success is 33% inspiration, 33%
dedication, 33% perspiration and 1% luck. With in a week things will really start to
spiral out of control, you guys are the nucleus around which I intend to assemble one of
the largest corporations ever. Remember we have seceded from the world, we will have our
own currency soon, I wonder how long it will take before the international money market
realizes that there is a new kid in town? The Boing is an attempt to divert some of the
Seven Trillion dollars that goes sloshing around the world every day. The global casino is
counter productive to world peace because of the un-stabilising influence that it can have
on governments trying to set their interest rates and currency values. When the Big Bong
Income-glomer-rationalization is listed on Wall Street I will issue Junkie bonds, instead
of share certificates, Junkie bonds will be syringes full of pure Heroin! That way if the
stock ever becomes worthless, you don't have to make a mess when you suicide, just find
the nearest dumpster and shoot your self to corporate heaven.
"I thought you weren't into hard drugs." says Big Al.
"I'm not, well not yet any way, but I can only speak for my self, I believe that
everyone dies a Junkie now a days, addicted to pills or thrills, if you want to ruin your
life who am I to stop you?"
"That's a cop out answer." says Free ball.
"Listen Man, every person on this planet has to make their own informed decision on
how they live and end their life. I can see no difference between a cancer patient ending
their days in a drug haze and some dude O.D.ing in a bathroom, he should be allowed to
cash out early. I can think of messier ways to commit suicide than an overdose of
"Can we change the subject away from death please?" asks Kelly.
"All I'll say is that the junkie bond is a pun and although the subject has negatives
connected with it, I thought it would get a laugh." says Glitter. At that moment the
mobile phone rings, Kelly breathes a sigh of relief.
Big Bong Theory States;
fact that A.I.D.S. has now become the major cause of death for those under thirty, taking
over from Traffic Accidents and Suicide, is probably due to the advances in Psychiatry and
Psycho Therapy. Particularly if you add in the improvements in Automotive design and the
Air bag.It goes on to state that A.I.D.S. or Cancer, you get skinny and die.
The Radio interview that the helps spread the Big Bong theory through
out America and ultimately, the World.
Authors Note; From here on out the Narrative really
starts to jump around. There are many reasons for this and I will go into depth to explain
them to you, mostly out of professional pride. Firstly, besides all the different hand
written journals and the piles of photocopied A-4 sheets that formed the first draft, he
left a Silicon trail of computer discs that would have stood Jack Kerouac proud. He always
had a copy or two stored on disc with him at all times, he would drop in and visit with
his friends and then if their system was compatible, he would stay well past his welcome.
He would make a point of leaving an update for who ever he had purloined the P.C. from,
saying one day this book will be available to every computer on this planet. The end
result of this is that while he was still writing the Novel parts of it got so often
edited that it is impossible to pick one disc and say here it all is, start to finish. He
just took the best copy of the words that he could assemble and turned them into a 100
page booklet that he had Boutique Published. The Novel finally looked like a proper book,
one that you could get in a library. Yet, the first 500 copies were all that he needed to
start the ball rolling, they enabled his readership to finally find a way to directly
contribute to this scheme. Not only was this remarkable book collectable, it was in every
sense a giant commercial for it self. He would sit at a computer and the words would pour
forth, friends would marvel at his ability to construct pages of writing from thin air.
Unbeknowenced to them he had probably drafted out each piece in long hand several times
before the opportunity to down-load presented itself. He also suffered from insomnia,
existing on less than four hours sleep for much of his life. He had the uncanny ability to
appear to sleep through any amount of noise yet he was often wide awake. When he would
sleep at our house we would tip toe to the toilet, trying not wake him, yet every time we
came near him he'd say which one are you? I should mention that "I'm" a pair of
identical twins, and we both worked on this project. At the end of the day, perhaps that's
the main reason for the spasmodic integration of most of this material. Here is a
transcript of the radio interview that was broadcast right across America, fortunately for
Glitter the announcement of the Big Bong coincided with a slow news day.
"Big Bong Head Office, can I help you? inquires Kelly, settling into her new role as
secretary smoothly. She and Glitter had rehearsed these lines earlier in the day.
"Hi it's Mark Knickerbocker here from Radio station Kay Oh Cee Kay in Dallas Texas
and you are live to air, can I speak to Glitter please?"
"He's in the middle of a smoking session right now, let me see if he's straight
enough to talk to you."
She covers the mouth piece and says to Glitter, It's a Mark Knickerbocker from a Dallas
radio station. As she is handing the phone to Glitter, Skid Mark is saying, "Our
guest today is the Poet Glitter, he is about to start construction of a Giant Marijuana
Peace Pipe in Australia,"
Glitter lights a joint as he waits for Skid to finish.
"The city of Dallas awoke this morning to read a full page advertisement from this
mad poet in our largest newspaper. In the Add he asks us to send money to him to fund the
construction of the Big Bong that features the Marijuana hall of Fame. This man is a self
confessed Anarchistic, Atheistic, Poetic Nihilist with a Zen outlook on life and perhaps
one of the coolest people on the face of the planet. I have read a copy of this
extraordinary New Age Bible he has written and it has blown me away, he is possibly the
most exciting and influential writer this century."
"Skid Mark, what the fuck are you doing impersonating a Disc Jockey? Last I heard you
were a roadie."
"I called them up this morning after your add came out and told them that I knew you,
they offered me some cash to record this interview."
"Thanks for the glowing Introduction man."
"No problem, how is it going down there?"
Glitter takes a toke and says, "I'm on my fifth joint of the night so it's all going
swimmingly for me."
"No the Big Bong what's happening?"
"Oh, that? Well let me see, I found a site, near the town of Nambucca Heads, half way
between Sydney and Brisbane, we have a bus that acts as our Hemp quarters, I've raised the
Flip sided flag and in doing so have formally seceded from the world! The Billboards will
be erected tomorrow, we're just waiting for a star chart to be done to determine the exact
location and commencement date for construction of our Bongzilla. What else, I've got a
new girl friend and we start casting for the movie in about a week and the novel is in
it's third reprint in two weeks with more being ordered every day."
"That's great buddy, will you be shooting any of the movie you're about to start
filming in Dallas?"
"Sure, if they let me back into your fine State that is, if any of your listeners
want a part in the movie, I suggest that they get in contact with you or they can come on
down here and have some fun."
"Have you had any problems with the Police or the Government?"
"Not yet, as a matter of fact I'm hoping to get the contract to burn off all the
Marijuana surplus that has been confiscated by the Police, Have a talk to your local cops
and see if they are interested, the Big Bong will be a state of the Art Marijuana
Incinerator and I think you will find our rates are very competitive."
"If that happens won't the Police become a transportation system for donation of
Marijuana by your supporters?"
"Hopefully, you're pretty good at this interview thing aren't you?"
"Thanks mate, but we both know I'm only reading this out of your novel."
"Dude you just spoilt the surprise for your listeners!"
"Don't blame me you wrote the script!"
"I was just trying to get you a bit of pocket money for all the help you've been in
"Thank you, any way, next question, It has been said,"
"Don't interrupt, that's not in the script, Goddamn! I've lost my place."
"Take all the time you want this is a 1900 number!"
"It has been said that the novel is not literature, would you like to defend your
"Skid, the basic premise is that this is a book that is meant to be judged by it's
cover, the novel is purely a merchandising tool and the means by which smokers can unite
and vote with their pockets. When it has sold a Billion or so copies the statement will be
too big to ignore."
"Do you really think that you will sell that many copies?"
"I sure hope so, if this ever gets translated into Chinese I'll piss that total in, I
bet there are heaps of smokers there."
"Do you envision gaining any political power from this?"
"What would I do with political power mate, I'm a poet, but if I did get any
political clout from this I would only use it for my own benefit. Think of this as a
poetry book with a whole bunch of Anarchy wrapped around it."
"While we are on the subject of poetry can you recite one of your poems for our
audience, please tell the one about dancing on the Cadillac, the one you recited standing
from the roof of the Banana Boat outside the London Tavern that night."
"This is a poem I wrote to get the attention of a lovely Dallasite, it's called
Foot Prints / Cadillac Dancing.
Foot prints on a Cadillac roof,
someone stood there, see the proof.
What kind of idiot would do that?
A Cadillac is a symbol, sacrosanct.
Foot prints on my Caddies hood,
I like to dance there, feeling good.
Expression just of being free,
living life exuberantly.
Foot prints calling out to you,
come on up here, room for two.
Never care what others say,
Cadillac dancing, here to stay.
"Remember how you nearly got arrested? The cops wouldn't
believe it was your car that you were kicking the shit out of."
"I had some good times when I was in Dallas, I truly love that town."
"Why did you leave?"
"If I didn't go when I did I never would have left. It was just time to go man, I
left Australia to find out who I was and what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I
found that out and it was time to go, besides some mates of mine were holding a
crucifixion cruise on Sydney Harbor and I'd always wanted to fly half way around the world
to a party on a whim. I kind of felt like a true international debt set playboy that
weekend, but mainly it was time to come home and start to write my book."
"Do you have any aspirations for recognition or awards?"
"It could be said that this is an attempt to win the Nobel peace prizes for peace and
literature in the same year, I would also like to win the academy awards for best screen
play, best movie & best sound track. Since the Sump will be using swimming pool
construction methods I expect to win the top swimming pool design award and some
architectural awards for the actual design of the Bong as well, not to mention top prize
in the Cannabis Cup!"
"I think you stand a pretty good chance of that. Glitter, remember that time decided
to go to New Orleans and we got so stoned we missed the turn off and ended up in Florida?
We missed by a thousand miles"
"Sort of, at least I got to see the Atlantic ocean."
"Then we went to Disney World and you picked up Minnie Mouse?"
"I picked up the girl who wore the costume, I was going to make her to wear it while
we were doing the wild thing but I don't like the rat position, any way stop talking out
of school, have you been down the London Tavern lately?"
"Laura Leigh and I ran a book launch there last week, we sold all the autographed
copies that you sent us, which reminds me, send us some more copies."
"Skid, it would be easier if people just read todays copy of the newspaper, it
tells them what to do."
"Man this Big Bong thing of yours is going to get you onto Oprah one day!"
"I can only hope." replies Glitter sardonically.
Skid Mark carries on with out catching the jibe. "Yeah I do believe that you are
going to be bigger than a dead Elvis"
"How about them Packers?"
"They won again, hey are you really going to do that scene in the movie where you
interview the Packers Quarterback?"
"You mean where I ask him- Now you've won the Super Bowl for the Green Bay Packers
what are you going to do next?"
And he replies, "Fuck Disney World, I'm going to the Big Bong!"
"Yeah that's the bit."
"To tell you the truth I reckon it's the best way to get in to see the Super Bowl for
"You could have every Packer fan in the world hating you."
"I can't see why, it will boost the sales of their team sports wear and the more
money they make, the better players they can buy."
"Sounds like Genuine American logic to me, listen I had better wrap this interview
up, you sound pretty straight, how is the weed down there?"
"Dude, I'll send you some Boings when they're made and you can judge for
"Ok Glitter, you come on back now you hear?"
"Soon as I can, I'll hang up now, thank the radio guys for their unintentional
donation to the Big Bong and G'day to all my mates in Dallas and I'll see you there or
you'll see me here, Peace."
Glitter turns off the phone and turns to the gathering, "How do you think that
Kellys reply, "So what's this about you and Minnie Mouse."
The Media horde arrive en masse. Alerted by the
Media storm now raging across the English speaking world.
The morning started with a phone call from Terri, she called to say that she had cast the
horoscope and that Glitter should break dirt at precisely 11:30 Am, she added that she had
just finished shooting a commercial and would be there the following day, she also wanted
to be sure that she could bring Molly. Glitter agreed instantly about Molly, they had both
lived at the Party House in Drummoyne and he had grown quite attached to the tripodal
hound. As the camp came to life, with bacon and eggs frying on the camp-fire and the Billy
boiling for the first cup of coffee, a removalist van came bouncing down the road, it was
Fordy with the Tee shirts and fresh copies of the Novel. Glitter called up his mother and
asked her if she could bring his grandfathers spade over. This was a trenching tool that
his grandfather had carried all through the first world war. It had a large dint in the
middle of it caused by a bullet in World War One.
Authors note: His mother lived in the small town
just to the north of the Bong site, whether this was a coincidence or simply Glitter
playing his cards close to his chest is still a matter of debate, my personal opinion is
that Glitter had picked the site out years before.
Glitters Mum, or as she was known, "Saint Anne," arrived minutes before a
veritable plague of media. They all flock to Glitter who is beneath his Flip sided flag
smoking a cigarette and drinking a cuppa, they start shoving microphones and cameras in
his face. Glitters first response is to pull a Jay from the apparently inexhaustible
supply of his boots. He lights it up and then offers it around, none of the reporters are
brave enough to join him.
"Let's get some things clear from the start, firstly you are all trespassing on an
internationally declared Peace Zone, in future only people wearing a Big Bong Tee shirt
will be allowed enter uninvited. Secondly the only kind of journalism I am interested in
is cheque book journalism. There fore I suggest you talk amongst yourselves until you sort
out who has the deepest pockets. There are copies of my novel for sale over there in the
Mull Machine, if you want to stay here you can buy your Tee shirts there. Once you have
finished reading the novel, I will then answer a couple of informed questions. It's only
100 pages, so you should be finished in time to watch the first shovel full of dirt being
This statement reduces the media into stunned silence, Glitter then turns and walks back
to the Mull machine. He gets inside and opens the window and starts to sign and sell
copies of his novel. As each member of the media purchase their Tee shirts from Glitter,
they naturally all try to pitch their case for an exclusive interview. He nods and smiles
and reminds each of them that he will wait until all the bids are in.
Chapter 1 to 3
Chapter 4 to 8 / Chapter 9 to 11
Chapter 12 to 16 / Chapter 17 to 19