The fire gets larger as all the local pubs empty,
the Police are attracted by the light of a blazing bonfire.
The pile of money, credit cards and weed makes an impressive sight in the
flickering light of the bonfire. Every body now begins to hop around the fire chanting in
unison, Big Bong-Big Bong-Big Bong. More and more people are attracted by the sight and
sound, cars passing on the highway pull up to check out the melee. The Mull pile grows
larger as the new arrivals start to exchange cash for smoko, members of the local
constabulary turn up to investigate the scene. They are met by the spectacle of an
apparent riot, the situation is not as tense as it normally would be, for the Police are
all clandestine smokers themselves and they recognize a vast majority of the crowd. They
are no fools either as they are outnumbered by a factor of 80 to 1. They ask several
members of the crowd for directions as to the whereabouts of the person running the party,
eventually finding their way to Glitter propped against his pack deep in conversation with
a very attractive blonde surfer girl. He is telling her about the Double Mile High Club,
he's so engrossed in her that he fails to notice the cops and they hear him saying..
"The original mile high club was started by people making love in an Airplane a mile
above the ground, when I flew back from the States last time I had about six joints inside
my boot, I waited until the passengers were mostly asleep and sauntered to the back of the
plane, the lights were low and I struck up a conversation with a hostess, as we were
talking I casually took out a joint and fired it up. I had used some pungent Turkish
tobacco as spin to disguise the tell tale aroma of the Red Ranky Skanky Texas Skunk buds.
As we were speaking in hushed tones she couldn't help but breathe in the smoke, now this
is like one hit weed, so the whole scene became very surreal, next thing she's dragging on
the joint and then she takes me down in to the bowels of the aircraft and I proceed to
blow out the entire cabin crew. The plane is on Auto Pilot and so are we, so I suppose you
can say I invented the Double Mile High Club. In fact when it's time to light the Bong I
intend chartering a Jumbo Jet, flying to Greece and sparking a spliff from the Olympic
flame, and then by keeping it alight, bumper to bumper, fly it all the way back to
Australia to use the ultimate joint to start the flame that stokes the Bong, how would you
like to come with me?"
"Sure." replies the now wide eyed girl.
"Are you sure you're sure Kelly?" asks the Police Sergeant.
"Daddy! What are you doing here?"
"My job sweetheart, what's your name son?"
"Glitter. Have you come to help us in our quest for world peace or have you come to
hinder it?" Asks Glitter calmly.
"We only came because it seems the whole town is here and we were feeling left
out!" says the youngest cop.
"Well Glitter it appears that you have my daughter and most of the towns folk
convinced so I suppose we've come here to help you." Said the Police Man with a
"Cool. Let me tell you of my plans for turning this exact spot into the Number One
tourist attraction in the World."
The sergeant sits down with Glitter as the younger two run off to join their girlfriends
around the fire, he listens as Glitter explains the conspiracy, a smoker himself, he
lights a joint and uses it to point at the various plans and pictures, occasionally asking
a question or shaking his head and smiling.
"Man, I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew with this one, I don't
know if the older members of the community will be too thrilled with the amount of drop
kick dead heads this Bong will attract and more importantly I don't know how long I will
be able to keep the powers that be off your back."
"Daddy you must be able to help." pleads Kelly.
"The important thing is that they must look beyond the negative short term aspects
and look at the big picture. When this thing gets rolling the economic windfall for the
community and the entire population of the country is enormous, almost beyond
"Glitter the second that you erect those Billboards you will be swamped with Media
and they will either shut you down or force me to lock you up."
"Sarge, I have thought about that, since this is a movie set they
can't stop us, I have a constitutional right to artistic expression, the Big Bong is a
statue of a peace pipe after all. If the local council try to shut us down for safety code
violations they will lose there on the grounds that no council has existing regulations on
the number of occupants a marijuana smoking implement can hold nor on it's maximum or
minimum size. When we fire the thing up for the finale scene I fully expect the whole
issue of legality to be a moot point, this is fiction after all."
"You have a point there, but the whole thing is preposterous."
"That be as it may be, but the main reason I want to erect this statue in the first
place is the symbolism that a large peace pipe represents. Down through the ages men have
sat around and discussed their differences under a flag of truce or in the sharing of a
pipe. Now we all must concede that somewhere between the idea of the United Nations and
the establishment of that august body something was lost. Most of the representatives are
either more concerned about their own countries interests or their own position within
their political hierarchy. There is a large section of the worlds population that consider
themselves completely disenfranchised. Since man developed the capacity for abstract
thought, we have been looking for the perfect society, I've had a look and guess what?
It's here, we crossed the finishing line and no one else has realized. By that I mean if
you compare any era to the last ten years, we have made tremendous strides, we are living
in a comparative heaven. As soon as we stop squabbling over who was here first, the better
off we'll all be, every man, woman and child on Earth."
"You don't believe in land right for indigenous people?"
"Sarge, we live on a fucking ball that's flying through a void, it is impossible for
any one sub species to have been here first, we are all the same kind of mammal, the piece
of dirt upon which you are born is irrelevant, it's more the things you have done to
improve civilization that is important."
"You know, I've never thought of it like that before."
"Look around you, see how happy the people are? They feel that they are part of
something, something more than the same old same old. With all the time saving innovations
in the world today the biggest problem that now confronts us is boredom, kids today have
assimilated all their information from a flickering box in the corner of the room. They
lack the direct experience you gain from doing things, they figure if they've seen it on
TV then they must automatically possess those skills. I decided a few years ago that I'd
had enough with a society that that has evolved from a flat earth ego centric view of the
universe so I dropped out and was happily doing the poet writing thing when this idea
occurred to me. Now I intend to build the Peace Pipe and in doing so toss a Peace Stone
into the turbulent lake of world politics, when enough people get involved, then the
ripple will turn into a tidal wave. Perhaps the major problem we face should we succeed
with this Add-venture and all the worlds leaders gather atop the Big Bong, will all the
worlds guns be pointing at it or away from it, although I repeat this is a ball we live on
so ultimately all guns point toward themselves."
"Good point Glitter, what of the security aspects?"
"Sarge you have just been appointed head of security so it's your problem. But I
think I have found a way around any aggression."
"Do tell." says the Sarge non-committingly.
"Simple really, this is first and foremost a movie, I intend to cast political
leaders from the past and present. See that guy over there? He's an Irish computer
programmer now living in Sydney and you'd have to admit he bears a striking resemblance to
Vladimir Lenin. There are only so many genetic patterns that the human face and body can
conform to, I intend to have such a wide cross section of people present at the finale
that no matter how extreme the individual there will be too many of his heroes here. Since
this is the most radical statement yet conceived, the lunatic fringe will be by their very
"What happens if none of the actual world leaders turn up?"
"Fuck-em, we'll just imitate them, it's a movie remember."
The Big Bong Theory States;
If a tree falls on YOU when you are in the forest,
then there is a good chance that YOU
will make noise longer than the tree.
The deep philosophical part of the party,
where the good stuff can sometimes happen.
Authors Note; In the mid Nineties there was a great
deal of vocal minority agitation, various ethic groups were pushing to have Australia
become a republic and to change the flag. It was a very touchy subject and threatened to
drive a wedge between all the different interests, Glitter was the one who worked out the
perfect compromise. His out side the square thinking is never more evident than in the
design of our current National flag, whilst his solution makes sense to us born under this
flag, this was pretty controversial at the time.
"There are so many good things about the flag that we already have that it
makes change for the sake of change wrong. You must look carefully at what you are tearing
down before you can start rebuilding. The Union Jack in the corner is a flag of unity and
rebellion, the star below symbolizes the unity of Australia and the bright shining hope we
have for our future. The Southern Cross is a star map, when you see it overhead it lets
you know where you are, in the past the ancient pacific peoples found their way here by
following that very constellation. So the flag has past, present and future relevance. The
flag is also a business logo that this nation has spent a lot of time and money promoting,
to completely change it doesn't make economic sense. For the last Ninety or so years we
have been competing on the playing fields, battle grounds and boardrooms under this
banner, so it is lunacy to throw away all those years of hard work and expense. Yet the
back of the flag conjures up none of that nationalistic fervor, so logically that's where
we start. Behind the Union Jack we put the Aboriginal flag, it's colors and symbols are
representative of this harsh land that all of us, black and white both, have been trying
to tame. Behind the Southern Cross, for reasons of symmetry, we put the Eureka Stockade
cross and stars, it's also a very proud flag and a true rebellious symbol. It has a fuck
you colonialism and oppression thing going on. Then we put a representation of the earth
as seen from outer space behind the star and below the Koori flag, the only difference is
that Australia is oriented the right way up, with the rest of Asia below her. This will
make it a true southerly oriented flag and also remind the world that the Earth is round
and there is no top or bottom. Let's face it, what better country to have the first flip
sided flag! The true beauty of this solution is that when you stand on the side that suits
you best, the wind and weather will mock you and remind you of the vagrancys of
nature. The flag of your choice is what you decorate you head stone with."
"Glitter you are a truly deep thinking individual, yet you appear confused, on one
hand you want to unite the world and on the other, you are fiercely proud Australian, can
you rationalise that?"
"Sarge, Australian is a state of mind, not a place of birth, as far as I can tell I'm
about as Aussie as you can get with out having a long tail and hopping around. I have
spent much of my thinking on that paradox and the most honest answer is that first I am a
human, next I am a male but ultimately and mainly I'm a citizen of the world. People have
a need to follow a cause and that cause needs a symbol, perhaps when this whole flag thing
is behind us we can get on with the important problems that need redressing, like
education and health. It's also hard to answer a generalization with a specific, I have an
inquiring mind and much prefer to listen than to talk. Tonight I am just about talked out,
please tell me how you became so enlightened?"
"I am a product of the system under which I serve and there is a lot to be said for
your ideals. I served my country in Vietnam and learnt about political intrigue the hard
way, too many of my mates are buried there because of the same self serving interests that
stand before you now. I doubt that I will ever forget, but I am also aware of how lucky I
was to get out of there alive. I have managed to forgive our so called enemy but still
have trouble forgiving those on my side who went to violent extremes. The scope of the
situation was that it was easier to keep you head down than to make a stand. Trouble was
that besides soldiering there wasn't much else for me to do other than to join the Police
upon my demobilisation. In those days I had a desire to change the world and protect the
innocents so that never again would anyone have to go through the same hell I had to. In
fact I worked far harder to end that war than I did when I was in the war. Sigh, Those
bright shining ideals have slowly been crushed by the blindness of the law and the utter
disregard that some people have for others. You have rekindled the fire and I thank you
for that. Actually any chance we can stop talking like we're making speeches of world
importance and just talk like a couple of guys?"
Glitter laughs at the Sarges quip and realizes that it's an attempt to change the topic of
conversation and so responds.
"Lofty ideals require lofty words but have a toke on this and we'll kick on>back
and maybe I can talk some more to your beautiful daughter who has been sitting here
"Just remember that she is my daughter." warns the Sarge.
"Sarge, last time I checked every girl is someone's daughter, I think it only fair to
let Kelly make up her own adult mind."
Kelly looks at her Dad and in that moment they both realise that Glitter is right.
"Dad it's getting late why don't you go home to mum, I think I'm in safe hands."
"Ok sweetheart, but watch out for him, he's a poet and they are known for being
drunks, bums and/or fornicators," he grins at Glitter, "perhaps that's where the
words come from, he certainly has the gift of the gab."
"I prefer to call it charisma mate, and to tell the truth, the words don't come from
anywhere, they are already there, I just know where to find them."
A couple of poems and the love scene?
Kelly asks to hear another one of Glitters poems. "This is a poem I
wrote for another Kelly years ago, I gave it to her for her birthday. It's called...
I love you like the sunset, then need you
words cannot express, your beauty to my eyes.
I need you for existence, as much as I need air,
there's nothing worse than waking and finding you not there.
I cannot call you beautiful for that word is over used,
if loving you is criminal, then here I stand accused.
I hope you find me guilty, of like and love and trust.
For there can be no doubt, I'll love you till I'm dust.
"You really must have loved her."
"Yes, and in a way I still do, she is a very special memory and when I sit down to
write poetry I often think of her, enough about me, tell me some more about you."
"Would you like to go for a walk, I talk better when I'm moving and it's almost time
for the sunrise, there's a great view point not far from here where we can be alone. I
could listen to you talk all night long."
With that said they wander off, hand in hand Kelly chatting brightly about growing up free
and wild on the beach.
Authors Note; I don't think you need too
much imagination as to what transpired next, a beautiful girl, a fabulous view of a
sunrise through the gum trees and the honeyed voice of a poet. In the movie there is a
gratuitous sex scene shown, whether that was for artistic reasons or whether he wanted to
roll around with the beauty who finally won the coveted role of Kelly will never be known!
Glitter had many affairs in his life but he was a free spirit and prone to simply
wandering off or going walkabout as it's called. I don't think he ever meant to hurt
anyone, it wasn't that he was afraid of commitment or responsibility, rather he preferred
to be independent, he never bought into the societal picture that you had to be half a
couple to be happy, perhaps it's best to cite one of his poems as an illustration, this
poem works as well for a person as a place. It's titled
Can I poem this without tears? And confront all my fears?
Then hit the road for ever? And not look back?
With no regrets? No chance.
But I have paid attention all the time
that I've been here,
and you know I've really had some fun! It's time I went.
With no regrets? No chance.
I never look for wisdom in the trees or in
the only place I find it , is in other peoples eyes.
No regrets? Well said.
I cannot both be here and there, I feel
torn clear in two,
I hope the bits I've left behind are all you need for you.
No regrets? One or two.
I've never built a monument to my
Never ever seen the fucking point.
No regrets? Not by me...Liar.
So I leave you with the knowledge that this
poem was fairly writ,
and now the tears are streaming down my face.
No regrets??? Well perhaps a bit.
The Big Bong Theory States;
Since we all enjoy the taste of eggs,
think of the untapped commercial potential of Rooster Sperm.
Or is the imagery just too vivid?
In the ashes of the party the full natural splendor of the site is
revealed by the rising sun.
All the revelers of the night before are crashed out around the dying embers of the
fire, only Glitter remains awake, his insomnia fueled by a combination of nervous tension,
sexual adrenaline and elation at the culmination of years of planning. The following is an
excerpt from his personal journal.
7;03 Am, somedate or other. What an eventful time I've
had since last time I wrote dear linear scholar! I finally got sick of trying to raise
money to make the movie in Sydney. On a whim I decided to come up the coast and scout out
a location for the Bong. I got a lift in an old Rolls Royce with a great guy, I got his
business card and will attempt to borrow the vehicle for the movie. Any way I gate crashed
a session that I smelt from the road and now it looks as though I have found a spot to
start. Originally I wanted to come up the coast with a fat cheque book and start shooting
the movie. It now looks like I will have to go with plan B and secede from Australia. I
still for the life of me can't understand why this idea hasn't attracted some serious
investment, perhaps it's the subject matter, perhaps it's me. I met a seriously wonderful
girl last night who turns out to be the local Police sergeants daughter, I hope my
personal life doesn't interfere with my dream, mind you if it doesn't it will be the first
time! The Sarge has agreed to run interference for me for as long as he can. Last night
about three hundred people spontaneously turned up and I almost had a riot on my hands!
Most of them are still crashed out around me, I don't expect them all to stay.
Note to self, A) Order tee shirts from Sydney in four colors, Red for cast, White for
crew/staff, Black for security, Yellow for the Visitors/Theorists. B) Generate ransom
notes and dispatch the emissaries to Coke and Pepsi, ensure that they are wired for sound
so as to include the actual conversations, that way the dialogue for those scenes will be
factual. C) Find out who owns this block of land and inform them that I have raised the
flip-sided flag and therefore have claimed this area in the name of world peace. D)
Contact the people who wish to invest and tell them a start has been made. E) Beg, borrow
or buy a caravan to act as the on site collection point or "Mull Machine." F)
Print up a couple of thousand copies of the Novel, these will work as revenue raiser and
also serve to spread the word. On a personal note I wonder how much my life will be
affected by this? The billboards are the highest priority.
Glitter now moves about the Bong site talking to the party wreckage as they all wake up
the worse for wear. All the while he is asking questions as to what skills they possess or
wish to possess, the only common factor of those selected for the many tasks is
enthusiasm. Those that wish to depart do so, Glitter bids them all farewell and tells them
to bring either photos of their smoking equipment or the implements themselves for
inclusion in the Marijuana Hall of Fame. He reminds them that if they want to have free
access to the site to come back and buy a tee-shirt.
He addresses the remaining throng, "We have a long way to go before any of us can
relax, many obstacles to overcome and many criticisms to endure. Firstly, separate your
selfs into the following work crews, Bill Boards, Bong construction, Food, Security, Tee
shirt sales, Joint rollers and Bong packers. Hey! Not too many in the last category! Ok,
now the crews that you have joined are fluid, if you see someone else needs help, feel
free to assist. I also suggest you start thinking up ways to direct some of the massive
profit that will soon be flowing this way into your own profit niche.
At first you will be paid in Green, now while that sounds useless, remember green is now
worth more than gold. I have officially declared this a world peace zone, we have seceded
from Australia. Our basic currency is to be the BOING. The
Boing (A combination of Bong and Big.) is to be made of rice paper impregnated with
Marijuana, that way you can simply roll it up and smoke the equivalent amount of ganja.
These promise to be quite a souvenir in themselves! The currency exchange rate is still to
be set, but since it is the true green back and the first multi-purpose currency, I expect
it will end up being worth more than most regular bills. Ok, now go and study the Plan
that I have already drawn up, it shows you the entire conspiracy progression from start to
finish. It is in the form of a novel, this is mainly due to the complexity of the project,
if any of you have any suggestions, please feel free to come directly to me.
The over view plan revealed.
Authors Note; I quote now from the original, this
is the Overview plan that Glitter typed up in one of his guerrilla attacks on a computer.
When he typed this he was totally broke and attempting to write short stories for a travel
magazine, the problem he always faced was that his style of writing and sense of humor
was, for the most part, unpublishable. Fortunately an old mate allowed him to use his word
processor, this enabled his writing to at last look professional. Glitter always preferred
to write in long hand, he was often heard to bemoan the fact that the production standards
demanded from the Technocrats of his era precluded original talent from mass exposure and
the monetary success that would enable his dream to come to fruition. He also had the
additional pressure and expense of getting from the country retreat where he boarded with
Star Buck to the city. The hour of travel each way was spent reviewing and editing that
days output and he learnt much of the structuring of prose that is evident in his work
from this period onwards. Up until this point all Bong research was done verbally, very
few people had seen the entire plan or conspiracy of one as he referred to it.
The Peace Pipe Project.
Over View; The attempt to construct a world famous Pop Art Icon on the Mid
North Coast of Australia in time for the Sydney Olympics and the end of the Millennium.
The Target Audience;Everybody & Anybody who makes a pilgrimage to smoke the
Pipe of Peace. Every curious passer by, any one who has ever smoked Marijuana, every one
who wants to participate in world peace, every one who likes a comedy, every one who likes
to read a book or see a movie. Everybody who collects souvenirs, baseball caps, Tee shirts
or similar. Everybody who believes that a smoking implement is art. In short a 10%
response from any one of these categories will bring a staggering influx of capital into
the profit funnel this venture will provide.
The Statue; The working title of the Movie/Novel is the "Big Bong
Theory." (a parody of the Big Bang theory) The code name of the Sculpture/Statue for
council approval purposes will be "Tourist Tower." The statue is to be
constructed out of Steel and will utilize current water tower construction techniques. It
will also be a fully functioning Peace Pipe and due to the dual spiral ramps that wind
their way to the top wheel chair accessible. The top of the structure will afford a 360
degree view of the surrounding Marijuana theme park and factory complex. The entire
complex will also be available as an open air concert venue for various forms of community
expression ie; New Years eve, Australia day etc.
The Construction, Dimensions and Design features. The plans drawn up by rebel
artist Glitter call for prefabricated steel segments that bolt together, each segment will
be approximately 4 metres(12 feet) in height and have a radius of 10 metres(30 feet). Each
segment will therefore have a subscription capacity of 1125 "Boxes", measuring
30cm X 30cm, (12inX12in) the cost of each box directly related to the perceived status of
each level, the pattern should follow existing real estate values as they relate to high
rise apartments. As each segment is fully subscribed it can then be lifted into position.
In this manner the media exposure will be maximized, for example the selected Radio and
Television stations could run a weekly series on Bong progression. Cheque book journalism
at it's best! Total projected segments 20, the total amount of subscribers (Interior) is
The structure will sit on top of a preconstructed foundation (or Sump) that acts as a
water filter and a ballast/keel. The Sump will utilize swimming pool construction
technologies and water filtration/recycling techniques, it will also have a subscription
capacity of 2,500. this brings the total Bong capacity to 25,000. Assuming that the
average value of each box is $100 a total of Two and a half Million dollars will be raised
by this facet alone. The plan also calls for the construction of fiberglass external
silhouettes, this will provide additional revenue from the various soft drink
manufacturing firms for the use of the Bong as a Billboard for Bottles. The chameleon
aspect of the external silhouettes ties in with the eventual marketing strategy of
renewable clip-on plastic externals for the scale souvenirs of the Big Bong. Trade name
Bong-Ons. Thereby ensuring that the project has an ongoing commercial profile with a
collectors or limited edition marketing style.
Capital Outlay; This project is to a large degree self funding but seed capital
is required. This would enable the project to purchase the land and the necessary building
materials to advance to the stage of self sufficiency. Investment would be by either a
group of like minded individuals or by syndicates that have expertise in any of the
multiple facets of this project. A cheaper alternative exists but that requires the
transgression of most of the laws and statutes of Australia. In other words a political
declaration of the site as a world peace zone and secession from the government of
Authors Note; There was more to this hand out,
including construction plans , it went on to give Glitters address and phone number. The
response from this was Nil, Zero, Zip, Nada, not a single person stepped forward to offer
him any thing else but luck. Luck is a good thing to have, but you can't eat it or smoke
it. At this stage of his life he would have been prepared to offer percentages of the
eventual profit in exchange for money to initiate the project. In his journals there are
page after page of estimations of initial start-up costs. He figured by doing all the work
himself he could build the billboards and start to retail Tee shirts and copies of his
novel with an initial budget of $15,000! Naturally this was about 15 grand more than he
had and with his credit history no one would trust him to sign a lease or to quote some of
the sayings in the Motor trade, he couldn't get finance on a pop up toaster with 99%
deposit or he should go see the Chinese finance company Lump Sum! He made several copies
of this and posted them to friends in England and the US, he also handed them out to
anyone else who showed the slightest interest in his project. You must remember that we
are talking about a period of history where marijuana was illegal. The world was yet to be
divided into it's current geographical trading entities. Europe was attempting to become a
unified trading bloc as was the US-Canada-Mexico Axis. The Cold War wasn't over it had
merely moved from the battlefield to the boardroom. The eventual Asian trade combine was
still fractured by the ethnic divisions of it's peoples. The Russian experiment with
Communism had failed and all their vassal states were crumbling into anarchy. The South
American continent was filled with starvation and corruption, Africa more so. The Arabic
solidarity of the previous twenty years was imploding under the various religious
jihads and Central Asia was also allowing religious differences to stand in the way
of unity. Australia was in a unique situation in the evolving new world order, the
population was ethnically diverse, well educated and well protected due to various long
standing alliances. There were vast mineral resources and her geographic location was such
they she could remain distant from the Geopolitics of the time. The Government was
basically an elected Capitalist- Socialist symbiosis that provided a safety net for the
social misfits and outcasts that exist no matter the era or culture. Television was
expanding it's global message of Win, Obey, Buy and Succeed in accordance with the long
range world domination strategy of the Multi National Corporations. There was much
opposition to Glitters plan, yet in his skillful manipulation of the rules of advertising
and shrewd business sense (coupled with the historians gift of hindsight) we can see that
he was always several steps ahead of his opponents. No one knew quite what to make of his
maverick scheme, at first glance it appeared to be a complete piece of lunacy, yet with
careful study revealed itself to be a cleverly orchestrated structure of blatant
Big Bong Theory States;
think, therefore I Scam.
Chapter 1 to 3
Chapter 4 to 8 / Chapter 9 to 11
Chapter 12 to 16 / Chapter 17 to 19