THE CYBER COURT IS NOW IN SESSION.
"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" intoned the bailiff.
"If I do that, then you will Prak me."
"Just answer the question"
"I will tell the whole truth for longer than you are prepared to listen"
"A simple Yes will suffice"
"Then you will Prak me"
"Answer the question."
The judge interjects, "What does Prak mean?"
"It's a Hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy reference, Prak was accidentally overdosed with truth serum and then started to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Once he started he couldn't stop and as you know judge, the whole truth can be very disturbing."
"Young man, do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?"
"Well I'm still having no end of trouble working out cgi."
"That's is not the kind of trouble you're in, Bailiff, read the charges."
"Glitter, You are charged with Possession of Marijuana, Possession of a comprehensive collection of Marijuana smoking paraphernalia and with corrupting the youth of the world by attempting to erect a 240 foot tall Marijuana Smoking Implement, how do you plead."
"You left out Sedition, Secession and Syncretism"
"How do you plead?"
"Guilty to Syncretism."
|There was a silence broken only by the rustle of dictionary pages. Syncretic-attempting, esp. inconsistently, to unify or reconcile differing schools of thought.|
"How do you plead?"
"I thought you weren't going to Prak me."
"How do you plead" repeated the bailiff.
"HOW DO YOU PLEAD?"
"Guilty of syncretically attempting to solve the problems of your society."
"How do you plead" exasperated the Bailiff.
"My client pleads Not Guilty."
"Thank you, Mr. Lazel, Mr. Prosecutor you may commence."
"Glitter, you would seem to be a total non conformist who doesn't fit into Mainstream society, further more you are a menace to society and seem incapable of giving a straight answer."
"Probably because I spend a lot of time stoned."
"So you admit to smoking Marijuana."
"Yep,and to eating it, wearing it, buying it and using it to court the muse, I also admit to smoking cannabis, reefer, hemp, ganja, grass, weed, & every other name you can think of except Dope, I don't smoke dope. "
"That is an admission of guilt is it not?"
"Statement of fact. Guilt don't come into it."
"When you were arrested the Police found ounces of Cannabis and a comprehensive array of Water Pipes, how do you explain that?"
"Firstly the Green you found is for my personal use."
"Ounces of marijuana? Surely you don't expect this court to believe that you can smoke all that on your own?"
"Easily. It's only enough for a couple of weeks, Im a chain smoker Man, a writer and a poet, Im involved in a race between lung cancer & emphysema, it's my lungs, my blood and therefore my personal choice as to the chemical composition of the fluid that fuels my brain, I find that a blend of caffeine, nicotine and THC works best for me, plus I hate buying herb in little amounts, means you paying around $500 an ounce, I cant afford that man. Those Water Pipes, as you call them, are actually Scale Models of a Global Pop Art Icon, a movie set that I want to build, its a totally cyber concept, every week members of the conspiracy light up at 4:20 and dream the dream of world peace."
"That doesn't change the fact that you were & are breaking the law, you speak as though you are an international artist of some importance and stature, I would like to point out that you are a stone broke poet who hasn't held a regular job for over 6 years."
"Objection" interjected Lazel. "My client is a stone poet that is currently broke."
"Syntax doesn't change the facts. Cannabis is illegal.
Glitter sighs. "You haven't read a thing I've written have you? I have gone out of my way to stress that it is the symbol not the substance, the Peace Pipe will burn a mixture of peace herbs, including I might add, tobacco."
A well dressed man in the corner wearing sunglasses by Camel smiled, his promotion ensured.
"Glitter you seem to be unable to acknowledge that you and your project are subject to the laws of this society no matter what you write in books or publish on the Internet."
"I am trying to change the way the world perceives the peace process, the current legal system is riddled with Egocentric Theology and Flat Earth thinking."
"Flat Earth thinking? I'm quite certain that all present are certain that the earth is round."
"The earth isn't round."
"Oh, it's not? What shape is it?" smugly inquired the Prosecutor.
"Oblate Spheroid." Again the dictionaries rustled.
At this moment Lazel cleared his throat and segued.
"Your Honor, I would like to ask the court if the real reason behind this persecution is because of my clients lack of financial success. This concept transcends short term monetary considerations. We believe that there is not only a chance of creating the number one tourist attraction in the world but also of sending a message to aliens that it's safe to come and help us, the Peace Pipe would be seen as the final proof that we've found a way to co-operate. The Peace Zone would be the logical landing place. The message would be one of laughter and party, Glitter believes that the reason that the Aliens haven't landed is exactly the same reason why you wouldn't go into a war zone for your holidays. In fact he believes that if we start to look at what the Earth has to offer the galactic tourist from a global perspective, then the reason they aren't coming here should be as plain as the groobly in your scrinkleberry.
"Yes, your Honor?"
"Please resist the temptation to beam your self up."
"I'm sorry Sir, I wouldn't normally say such things but Glitter wants to remove any doubts to his sanity and also to introduce the science fiction angle as quickly as possible. I was instructed by my client to interject such pre-written whimsy every time I feel that my learned opponent was asking questions out of continuity."
"I have never heard such balderdash in a court room, what on earth has my grasp of continuity got to do with a court case?" blazed the Prosecutor, his artistry called into question. A vicious vortex of vindictive innuendo and veiled invective sparkles through the court room as the two attorneys lock vocabularies, the air dropped several degrees and a wind whistled chill down the corridors of power spurred on by the flapping of dictionary pages. All eyes are on the Ego Cyclones in the fore ground. Both characters spurred on by the fact that their words may be recorded by history. Glitter turns to the judge and says, "They oughta keep the attention off us for a while." He flips the judge a joint from his boot cache, takes one for him self, sparks the spliffs and says "By the way, beautiful delivery on the Beam Up gag"
"Hey no problem." says the judge as he sucks on the spliff, "Do you reckon that'll make the Web Site?"
"So, Glitter, tell me of some of the other things you're working on."
"Sorry judge, that would be out of continuity and I think I can see a segue in the cyber space continuum."
WEB TRANSLATORS NOTE; Segue (Seg-way) is a musical term that means 'a direction at the end of a movement to proceed with the following movement immediately.' So I guess it's time you made a mouse movement and segued
The Big Bong Theory States;
As soon as you decrease your
chances of dying from one thing,